Anne Boleyn

Anesthesia

It feels like an orgasm to touch the keyboard again, typing. I hope you feel the same by reading my words. I don’t really plan to explain the variables, which prevented me from writing. However, I didn’t find a spot here in the East, as such the one I enjoyed in Riyadh, yet. And as long as it’s an orgasmic action, it needs a special place. Like you can’t practice sex in the street. As sex just popped up, I think it has a huge impact on the human being. In the end, we’re alive because of it, and we live just for it.

I was intending to talk about my internship. Anyway, I would postpone this topic until a later time. For now, I’ve changed. For example, I have a purpose of my life. I have a particular person to make happy. I have a career, which really occupies all my time and thoughts. Also, I have great future plans for it. I don’t need to ventilate as I used to do. Yet, I have many unanswered questions, and unfulfilled quests, which I will hunt along with you.

My life transformed from lineless events to ruled notebook where everything is calculated, measured, and titrated.  For sure the change from being unemployed to volunteer in surgery department, ER service resident, ICU service resident, being accepted in the anesthesia program, then granting the sponsorship of the ministry of health, and resign to be sponsored by another hospital, all in less than one year is a story worth telling. I finally find the courage to disclose it to you. Since I was very much afraid of failing.

One more issue, should I publish every Friday as I used to? Maybe after the weekend changed in Saudi Arabia from Thursday and Friday to Friday and Saturday, I have to change too. So far, we’ve been talking about how I’ve changed. So why not to change this, too? I don’t think the religious teachings will be altered according to my new desire. This’s very risky business; manipulating a religion to fit your demand.

We have Anne Boleyn and her crazy lover, King Henry VIII. What the girls should learn from this incident is that being easy won’t get you anywhere. Henry pursued her for seven years, after the first glance. Anyway, her sister, Mary, was easy going with the king. That could be the reason to save her ass, I mean head.

Education, especially abroad, is the key for a successful girl. I encourage any Saudi female to learn outside this country. This way we can reform Saudi Arabia, as England was reformed under the hands of Anne. As the king was married to Catherine of Aragon, the daughter of Spain king. She was initially betrothed to his deceased brother Arthur, in order to establish a strong anglo-Spanish alliance against France. However, Henry was badly in love with Anne. So he annulled his marriage to Katherine and declare their daughter, Mary as illegitimate. That led to the separation of the English Church from Rome. Since then, the king or the queen, like Elizabeth the first, is the supreme authority for the church. You may name it the guardian of the faith. 

A person should never underestimate the power of females. Countless wars happened because of beautiful women. Also, the male weakness may drive him into a tyrant. Henry weight was about 180 kg; his waist diameter was about 150 cm. Most probably the man was diabetic. Therefore, he could have impotence. Many other theories were claimed to explain the attitude, alternating mode, and absence heir for him. Syphilis is one proposed explanation. Though, I think it’s less likely. This’s a bit tricky topic. There’s an interesting movie called: “the other Boleyn’s girl.” If you’re interested, you may fancy watching it sometimes.

It took me too long into the dazzlement by the bright star of my life. To be honest, completely honest, I used to write and imagine nobody would read what I rubbish here. But now, I feel some sort of responsibility, of being observed and watched. Just now I could feel that mistakes count, and I don’t want to commit any. All sudden, I’m a doctor trusted on lives. All sudden, I’m a husband, and the thread, which connects me with this fine lady, is so tense. I mean it’s not like studying to pass, or raising a child to be a good one, it’s whole different perspective of life, or two lives. How to spend the rest of my life after unanswered questions? Yet, I found the greatest quest in life; happiness. Maybe in Saudi Arabia, we’re born with a credit of happiness, but we shouldn’t run out of it. I’m very happy now, overjoyed; yet all I have to do is maintaining this happiness and joy. 

The anesthesia is courtesy of Rockfield.

Humanity!

Humanity

I just had left the hospital. Every time I have to work on weekends or late times, I think why am I here? Is it an obligation or an option? Indeed, I’m honored when I work to save souls, relieve pain, and improve life quality. Yet, how does my work make the difference? Usually the service provided in hospitals is below average. We’re talking about standers of care. On a lesser scale, all I have to do is optimizing my care to the patient better outcome. When I try to help in a faster, delicate, and compassionate manner, I don’t only reach the point of self-satisfaction and patient’s as well. Then, I believe I initiated the wheel of caring. I expect the patient, as an individual, to do the same to another individual. This’s how I serve humanity! I’ll spare a man or woman more time to take care of their families, jobs, and contribution to civilization, just by being a better doctor, and a humbled person.

So, what makes us alike? For my family, they all grow a big belly after marriage. It’s not a beer belly, it’s the “fucking” belly. Indeed the trend to cluster into nations, communities, and families is very characteristic of human beings. We feel the threat of nature around us, we’re in a continues fight against it. I’m not surprised by the current behavior in destruction it, because this way we conquer and defeat volcanoes, earthquakes, and tsunamis. It’s like slapping and slapping back. Besides that, our instincts encourage us to be competitive. When we feel hopeless against mother earth, we direct our powers against each other. Dog eating dog, even when we feel defeated against higher authority like a senior doctor. In the end, it’s very amusing how we are all alike, share most of motivation, aims, behaviors, and manners, despite the big change in outer frame, even when we see things in different perspective. The human behavior passes the borders of race, gender, or ethnicity. 

The Origin of Humanity

Is it due to a common ancestor?  If the evolution is true, then why there’s no other intelligent life forms in earth beside us. It’s funny to criticize a theory which extends over two billion years, when first nucleated cells appeared. So, let’s trace briefly our family tree. Fifteen million years ago, the first great ape descended from the gibbon. We shouldn’t take things away from the context, everything is evolving. Intelligence, morals, behaviors and even religions are changing, advancing, and adapting to the surrounding atmosphere. We weren’t born the way we see each other’s now. The beginning was far away in history, around 200000 years, and we kept surviving and adapting to the nature. Thus, when you ask how come such a decent creature descended from monkeys, remember some primitive behaviors which some humans do. Also, remember this package wasn’t brought from heaven all sudden, but built through the ages of trial and error. There were at least fifteen ancestors since we’ve separated from the great apes. Some of those species were eliminated by other dominating one. So, survival of the fittest.

The big picture is really more holistic. We’re all, all the living and nonliving forms, made of star dusts. It’s funny killing somebody because of beliefs disagreement. And after generations the same exact atoms which built that the victim may contribute to your child's body. Would you kill your child then? I can’t understand why we shout at each other? Why do we show signs of force and power against each other? Why there is no peace among people of same eyes, mouths, noses, and ears. I mean like are we really that different to justify killing each other? Even though, I can’t comprehend the idea of killing a human being. It’s really shocking. If I would have killed all the men and women to live one day more from the sum of their lives, I just couldn’t. If shouting would prove my point or my power, somebody always would shout louder so he/she would be right. We’re not equal, for sure, but very similar.

Beside all things we have in common, all of us die. Just imagine, what is capable of killing all of us at once? Just imagine the amount of silence if all humans are gone. Would our apocalypse be a man-made, a natural disaster or something else? I remember an old cartoon TV show about a war, the third world war, in 2008 using magnetic weapons which destruct the earth and manipulate all of its magnetic fields. Yet, an island has survived, and life flourishes afterward. Anyway, if a nuclear war takes place, I’m afraid it wouldn’t leave any survival. Another possibility is another ice age, we’re not where better than dinosaurs if such a disaster happens, and it’s really possible. But the most preferable mode of extinction, for me, is being eliminated by another intelligent form; computers.

We are developing technology so fast that soon it can take over.  That doesn't matter.  I care the most about the possibility of a world which would be exclusive only for computers, where their initial creature, humans, would be eradicated. Would ultra-smart computer's wonder who did create them? Would they come up with the idea of god which we have now? Or are they smart enough to believe there is no as such as creator? Nevertheless, we humans created them in first place. This is a very beautiful paradox.

Humanity by Anda

The origin of Human by Ishton

SIlence

“And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence”

I stand still in that graveyard. I’m not sure if the silence is fear made, or respect due.  It deafens me when I listen to it attentively. The rose in my hand is growing darker. I still can’t understand why to bring flowers to those who deceased. Does it contain the seed of life? The ground beneath me becomes drier, probably in thirst for water. The wind stops blowing, and the soundlessness takes over! I’m apprehensive that it’s prepared to engulf me, regardless the normalized atmosphere around me.

If the sound is the matter, then the silence is the anti-matter. Long ago, very long and very ago, when there was no time, no mass, no universe, and no sound, a massive explosion happened. And since then, the universe is filled with the noise of The Big Bang. It’s scattered all through the universe. The cosmic microwave background radiation is an evidence of our universe age, and its expansion. It first was noticed incidentally as a constant, low, and mysterious noise in Bell Labs' Horn Antenna. This antenna, which was operated by Penzias and Wilson, was supposed to receive detect some radio waves after elimination all other sources of noise. What was left is the white noise of TVs or radios; the microwave radiation. In the end, the Big Band didn’t only scatter an enormous matter, but also released a tremendous blast of radiation, or in the common tongue noise!

What does quietness serve? In Middle East traditions, when a man proposes to a girl, her muteness means approval. Poor girl, she’s too shy to speak a word, or disclose rejection probably. I can’t understand if the females here are really debilitated. Oh, I prefer to speak more about those creatures in another blog. Sometimes, the silence means a big no. Rejection or objection can’t be expressed easily in such communities. I want to reject traditions, a lot of superstitious believes, and maltreatment. Yet, I better to enclose these opinions silently, and then take them along with me to the grave. Indeed an extended argument regarding the methods of change can be discussed over here. Is it possible to impose the change by applying it only? Otherwise, is it possible change can be produced only by words and noise? An old Arabic verb states: “I hear a noise of arms, yet I don’t see the army.”

Before I stood in the graveyard, they asked for a moment of silence. It’s the wisdom to give each individual a moment to pray or show respect in his or her own beliefs. I went into silence seeking the universal power which could take over the humans' bodies. I bet such power is silent and stealth too, because nobody before death shouted: “I’m dying.” Though, asking for water is an indication of death approaching. Soon, during the moment of silence, I felt endangered, because it really distresses me. I can understand why humans keep humming, talking to oneself, or turning the TV on, just to avoid the sense of danger which impulse by quietness.  

Indeed such an act is very profound. I presume that every great act of human beings was escorted by silence. Though, I’m sure the dialogue inside was very noisy. That moment which takes a man, in swiftness faster than the speed of sound, toward the hidden idea within silence? “To be creative, and thoughtful, you shall speak less” I’m full of rubbish, like after writing for three years, what have I established? At the end of the day, I’m not going to start from zero. I’ll just try another way to be a great human being, a remarkable individual.

My recent wordless period was a strong shield. Silence to keep dignity! Keep calm, and shut up! So, I just kept the golden piece to the last paragraph, as usual. For sure, I had enough time to rearrange my army, my thoughts, and come with more talk. Ironically, I expect some people to be scared of my speechlessness. I’m really sorry if this whole entry was dull, but it was ridiculous how I kept talking about silence, while I shall stay silent…  

The picture: speechless by Alicechan

Odds

I’m trapped between the tides of hope and despair. I plan to pick a water drop, a particular one which guarantees the eternal happiness and wellbeing. I thought initially that a human being journey starts from a drop of water, or semen, and extends to rule the seas and oceans. Apparently the odds of my existence are similar to find out that exact droplet. I was lost before I’ve arrived, and it’s foolish to expect that I’m going to be found inside this terminal.

Honestly, the idea which I try to deliver through this whole article is how difficult the phase I pass through. I imagine myself like, a pin, a guy surrounded by countless pathways. I can’t determine my destination. Nevertheless, I have a little clue about how it looks like. I imagine, again, that I’m a doctor in the middle of the space. I don’t have any idea where, how, or when. All I have to do is studying, working, and practicing. Simply, I can’t handle this number of variables. I can’t control my future. Alas, who can control the future?

Unfortunately, I’m not only bound to make a decision regarding my career. So, a guy, or a pin implanted in the middle of the fourth dimension, where I have the option to progress in any direction. Yet, I can’t go back through the time, because I’m the time. How can I redo myself? How can I be uncreated, or recreated in other shapes or forms? If reincarnation is true, I wish to be a rock in my next life. Death itself is very fortune option, since we need be alive in first place before dying. Time itself needs space to exist. How correct is the contrary? My odd of existence is almost one to one and 2685000 zero next to it, simply zero. And my options how to spend this life is only one and 268500 zero next to it.

I think, I took the wrong turn in the previous paragraph. Still, I insist moving in the same direction. Humans, us the current species, weren’t here in 200 thousand years ago. The fact that we can burn the oxygen, to make energy inside our cells, wasn’t viable idea until two billions years ago. This ability is very unique considering how toxic oxygen is. Anyway, Oxygen wasn’t abounded in our atmosphere initially. Still, the first evidence of life stands almost four billions years ago. Just like what I mentioned earlier, many extraterrestrial beings may not rely on such gas to live and flourish. Humans are very fragile, very transient phase, and soon I believe they would extinct.

I’m sick of masks that people are wearing. It’s shocking when I observe the poor placing the mask of wealth, also, for the rich to disguise as a Tyrant. The strength is not inspired from the finical status, or the mask which covers an individual face. How fragile is that piece of fakeness and phoniness. To tell the truth, talking about options and possibilities raises the question of free will. Indeed the first question to be asked in the middle of all those coincidences and big deal of luck, did we arrive to earth by our own wish? An individual can’t choose to be born, but how free is one individual to terminate own life?  In the end, what’s the meaning of our lives? Given that the atoms which build our cells will contribute one way or another to the major spirit of universe and the minor life along this planet.

How attached are we to the building unit inside our bodies? The answer may define the soul, the life, and the free will. There’s a wrong belief about inability to utilize more than ten percent of our brain capabilities. The amusing about this misconception is to what extend we can control the atoms inside our cells. How can we control cells? This way, we may reverse much pathology. How free are we? I have no clue. Are we just a video game? Gladly, I finish my article again with more question marks!

the picture: Maybe the moon is missing by Crina Prdia.

Troubled Mind

My mind is troubled, and my heart is aching. Honestly, I’m running out of words, yet my brain is crowded with many thoughts, and questions. I’m failing to write what or how I feel. I’m afraid of failing many other quests in my life beside writing. It’s a bit paradox that I write about my failure in writing. Anyway, what if I could answer every question that popped up in my mind? What if I could foresight the future? What if I don’t fail?

Fear alerts me the most. I’m feeling like a deer, which is encircled by many hunters, and can’t find a way out. The fear of being lost, in this huge universe or the tiny atoms, is occupying my thoughts. All I can do is keep wondering how insignificant humans are. Yet, I can’t neglect how massive the feelings inside my little body. Nevertheless, the sensation of being small persists, since my feelings compromise my existence.

Where is the earth heading to? I imagine the universe like a chess board. Very gigantic one, but has borders, and every movement is limited to special regulations. However, I’m sure if there was a steering wheel for our little planet, humans would hit the closest sphere to us. Where am I heading to? In next four months, I should drive my own little world to the safe shores. Sinking or hitting others is not allowed. I would rely on my relative monkeys genes, to avoid human’s foolishness.  

Whole mess could be solved, if I have the absolute knowledge for everything. First thing I want to figure out is what others think. Apparently, I’m ambitious to acquire some divine power. I could tell how old and big the universe is. I could know what exactly myself wants. It’s a bit funny to seek understanding others, while I’m very doubtful of my motivations and desires. “It takes some fear to trust.” Then, I wouldn’t stop in front of any questions. Then I wouldn’t fear any blind spot. Eventually, I would miss the excitement of being right or wrong. I would live tasteless life without mystery. 

I should handle the possibility of being mistaken, with ease. Life is not like physics where laws predict every probable outcome. In two months, I learned that failure is a possibility. It was like dividing over zero, but now it’s real. The world wouldn’t collapse if I mess up. Yet my world has already been shaken and stunned. I’m not the center of the universe, I’m not the ever shining star, I’m just a regular guy who would dice and dice blindly, until I win my gamble, or lose in most of the times. Therefore, no tear is to be spilled, when the chances give me a cold shoulder.

How real I’m if I’m not sure of my thoughts. It’s really troublesome when I neglect my whole presence due to that fact. René Descartes says: “I think, therefore I am.” The most certainty a human being may experience is the ability of processing thoughts. Since the absolute evidence of existence is the presence of a functioning brain. That means those who can’t think are not real. Also, you only are certain about your own thoughts, since you can’t tell if others think. This way I can build a whole world inside my brain. That world has to be true, even if it’s not physical, because it’s produced by my brain. Yet, to prove our existence, we could be an idea inside somebody else brain.

Yeah, I’m living inside my own world. Other way around if I’m only sure of my existence, then nobody else is real. Thus, I’m alone in this world. Furthermore, I’m afraid of dying alone. I can’t foresight the future. Otherwise, I would undo many done mistakes. Would that alter my destiny? Less likely, regardless all the cautions and measurements to prevent a disaster, its occurrence is irrelevant to our mistake. It’s an incidence which is independent by itself.  In the end, nothing was wrong except the time and the place. And if the place wasn’t invented, then time wouldn’t be initiated.

Missing Ear

Vincent Willem van Gogh

I’m sick of this world. I need to take a deep breath and ignore the fact that I’m writing for others to read. I’m writing for my own sake, unleash the pen. I’m sick of people, to tell the truth, I lost faith in people. When we treat weak people poorly, only because they’re weak, that means we are losing the moral code which judges us. Survival for the fittest is a completely viable concept, but I project to apply it on those creatures who are alike me. I believe to measure how community is civilized, we should figure the extent of poor and weak people inside the community. The relation between how civilized the community is reversely proportional to the ratio of poor people to others.

What does make an action valid morally? Is the answer different from an individual to another or from an individual to a group? I don’t recall last time I’ve asked myself about the rightness of my actions. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t have to think or take a charge for any consequence may follow my actions. Still, are we justifying our actions based on the after-action facts? You can’t tell if whatever you did is correct or wrong, until you observe the result. That means a thing by itself can’t be labeled as a sin or goodness. Indeed, that’s the mechanism religions work, I mean what if I drink alcohol in a moderate amount and stay at home, what’s wrong about it? Nothing, but God may punish me later on.

So, what makes an action valid morally? I met a young guy on the airplane, he was handicapped due to a road traffic accident. I sat next to him, he wanted to talk, and I listened to him. Then, he was very grateful and thankful to find somebody to talk to. What would change if I just ignore him and continue listening to my music? To tell the truth, the feeling of satisfaction for helping somebody was enough for me. So, the morality of an action can be determined based on its impact on the self-image of an individual. So, drinking alcohol in public where prohibition is practiced may affect my self-image in a community. Therefore, stealing would polish a thief image, and catching that thief would make a police officer feels great about his/her self-image. 

I’m reaching a paradox, I can’t determine the rationality of my argument. Since I can’t tell if something is correct or wrong, I can’t step further to discuss the conflict of interests. It’s invalid logically. The dialog inside my head leads me to conclude the inexistence of morals. Then, I can walk naked in public. Really, what prevents people from doing everything that comes up in their minds? What makes them feel good or bad when they do things?  We need to have holistic approach. Yet, to understand how primitive sometimes it’s, we need to investigate how our brain functions. We have two different systems one is to seek pleasure and another to punish.

Forget the rubbish, human brain physiology is easy way out. The main justification for everything we do is the self-interest. We’re selfish by nature. And the best way to allure people doing what you want them to do is playing on the thread of self-interest. Every little thing, good or bad, even self-destruction is based on the selfishness motivation. Yeah, I lost faith in people, and I’m one of those people. When I see my world collapsing around me because of one thing, and only one thing, and I can’t control it, because I don’t care about anybody but myself. Then, I can understand how greedy I am, how greedy human beings are.

The People

I can’t read philosophy. I just dumped my third philosophical book. It’s too much for my little brain to understand. The problem, a common individual may face, is the different and exaggerated terminology which philosophical folk like to utilize. They express simple ideas in very complicated, unusual words. That makes them look smarter for some, and dumper, hopefully, for the most. So, how should we conduct with people? For many occasions, authors can be categorized into two groups, those who want to make the reader life easier and others who want to make it harder. Can you show out your power over people by over smarting them?

A lot of wise men believed solitary fits them the most. Probably, they are different than common people, so they should live in ivory towers. There’s an Arabic book, Hayy ibn Yaqdhan, of a man who was born in an isolated island and raised by an antelope. Then, he realized there’s a nearby inhibited island, he went there and tried to live among other people. His mission failed and returned to the isolated island. The author wanted to establish that using common sense and logic is enough to find God. Also he claims that the human being is born with adequate ability to process and collect evidence around him to establish God existence. The implied message is a philosophical can’t live among people, since they’re bias, and drifted away from the common sense. Are they? 

Friedrich Nietzsche on the other hand thought a wise man/prophet, Zarathustra, should leave his solitary up in the mount and visit people. Zarathustra was shocked observing how people become unethical and immoral, so he declared the death of god. Always the trails to approach people by wise men, or so, are rejected by either parts. Luckily for Nietzsche he wasn’t killed after declaring the death of god, since Socrates was executed due to his arguments with common people. Unfortunately, Nietzsche was admitted to psychiatry hospital and accused of being insane!  

Sometimes, we chose solitary because we couldn’t find the perfect match for our souls. Poor souls, we prison inside these degrading bodies. For many times, believes considered the soul as immortal, and inconsumable. That’s where the feeling of oddness originates, an unequal pair which has one opportunity to make concord. Do you think it’s easy to make peace between your body and soul, so one person can live in harmony? Basically we all observe our souls drive our bodies to maturity, so a soul can function fully. At one point the poor body can’t tolerate the demand, so it starts to become ill. Then and only then, the frustrated soul leaves the body. I wonder who forced it to linger in one cell creature initially.

That’s what happens all the time between people: odd pair is gathered under one roof. I always find the term “soul mates” amusing, at one point pet owners and pets start to act alike. Are they soul mates? Indeed time factor is fair enough to force a couple lives together. I can’t understand how souls can be liberated from physical boundaries to reach a higher level of maturity. Believe me, once you find your soul mate it would be like your soul is half the way to perfection. Is there as such as a soul mate? If there’s, then solitary is very benign if I take her to a mountain where we can live alone together. It’s not philosophical perspective, it’s the desire to enjoy and live long and peacefully.

What do I have against my community? There’s some sort of duplication in my community. I can stand against it and hurt a lot of naïve emotions who believe that we are angels. I can go with the stream and lose the special philosophical touch. The only way is going duplicated, like them?! To tell the truth, I don’t think confrontation is the way to change. Change, in such radical society, comes slow and gradually, and without the awareness of the change itself. We plan to seed good family, healthy children and teach them how to make this place a better one. Maybe it takes a generation or two. Until then, I have nothing else to add.