Stations

- the mighty America and Israel didn't dare to attack Iran. Though Iran like a pain in the ass for them.
On the other hand, Hothi of Yemen, helpless power, all sudden decide to attack Saudi.

- When I walk in hospital, I could tell we have more angels in earth than what god has upstairs.

- I think I was wrong when I chose my career as a dcotor. I fit more to be a patient with all the troubles that are going up in my body. However, a psychaitriest doctor told me that most of psychiatriests choose psychiatry to know what's wrong with them. Despite thier choise, they can't treat thier mental troubles.


-- Post From My iPhone

Illness & Greatness

Open your eyes to the new reality, we’re sick because we're ordinary, and healthy people. Greatness always comes hand in hand with oddness. I can’t call it mental illness as I will prove those mentally ill were sharp edge figures. Therefore, being mentally ill is a part of greatness..


Before I start, I don’t wanna make this as a teaching session but I have to explain some stuff. Depression, low mood beside other symptoms, and mania, elevated mood, are mood disorders. Mood disorders come in episodes followed by a normal, to some extent, functions. Autism and Asperger disorders have more persistent nature affecting an individual. This is an important note we have to keep in our minds as we analyze the following characters.




I’m very proud to start with Abraham Lincoln. This man is considered to be the greatest USA president, though he was poor, and from a poor family. He was sick, simply depressed. He had many sad events through his life, which I wanna pass through some of it. Those sad events can be called stressor, and I would like to consider them as factors to participate in his depression. Stressors would be classified into 2 categories; love and death.



In his love life, first love story he had, when he was 26, ended by his lover death. A year later, he met another girl and arranged to marry her, but they had changed their mind. After that, he sent her a letter asking her to come back, which she didn’t reply to. Eventually, he met Mary Todd, a rich woman from rich family. We think she was biploar patient. However, they get engaged when he was 31, split up briefly before the wedding party. Almost 2 years later, they met again and get married.
After marriage, I would like to introduce the death factor. The couple had had 6 children. 4 of them died during Lincoln life, and one died later after Lincoln death. Most of his children died at a young age. This affected big time the relationship between the couple, as well as each of them individually. In addition, Lincoln’s mother as well passed away when he was 9 years old.
“Lincoln was contemporaneously described as suffering from "melancholy," a condition which modern mental health professionals would characterize as clinical depression.” The previous events I just had mentioned, beside many others, support this idea of depression. Yet, the depression attacks could be limited to the time after trauma and sad events. However, by the end of this paragraph, I think we established that Lincoln was depressed.


“Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton may have suffered from a type of autism, according to experts.” That’s based on the idea of both scientists showed signs of Asperger syndrome. Asperger syndromes patients show limited social involvement, failure in show emotion or empathy, repetitive and restricted patterns of behavior, interest and movement. Still the thinking, learning, memory, orientation, and language are intact, in contrast to autism. Yet, some researchers argue that Einstein, for example, had a good sense of humor.


The syndrome is named after its recognizer, Hans Asperger, an Austrian pediatrician. Asperger himself is believed to have the syndrome. “Asperger also called his young patients [who had Asperger syndrome] "little professors", and believed some would be capable of exceptional achievement and original thought later in life.” Still, as mentioned earlier some argue with this concept and oppose it.


Sigmund Freud, the pioneer in analytic psychiatry, was morbidly anxious, and addicted or abuser to cocaine. Cocaine wise, he believed it was a good treatment for many medical and mental disorders. He recommended it to some of his friends and family. Some researchers think that Freud psychoanalytical theory was an outcome of his cocaine usage and abuse.


As I started this entry with great man, I would like to end with a similar man to some extent, Adolf Hitler. Before I start talking about him, I would argue that this man established many of the new world characteristic, boundaries, and led one of the strongest nations on earth for a while. Also, the idea of him ended his life by his own, suicide, establish the concept that he was mentally or physical ill. We can exclude obvious physical condition, so only mental illness is left.


There’s a strong suggestion of him being addicted to methamphetamine, a brain stimulant substance. There’re other signs of being Asperger syndrome patient, as well. His mother death because of the cancer largely affected him. That could be the reason he didn’t consume meats. He was afraid of having a similar fate as his mother had.


Hitler had strange sexual practices, such as urolagnia. This is in easy English means peeing on the other individual's mouth during intercourse. That may explain all of the 3 women, he had relationship with, attempted suicide.


The list is too long. We can count many others such as Van Gogh, the artist with incision ear, is believed to have anxiety, depression, and some trait of autism as well. Charles Darwin, Thomas Jefferson, and Mozart, are other members to join the autism list. John Kennedy was sex maniac. I hope this can’t hide the truth: the greatness is a mental disorder, as all those people had other mental disorders. The other way to look to it is, we, normal people, need to be sick in the first place, to be great people.

P.S: I hope one day I can establish a data base and statistically proven idea for this all entry.
P.P.S: this is the continuation of french coffee


Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln#cite_note-31
John Kennedy 1
John Kennedy 2
Jhon Kennedy 3
Einstein and Newton
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_van_Gogh
Adolf Hitler
Frued
Historical figures sometimes considered autistic

مشروع 2

كسرت قيود العالم الأسفل
حتى حسبت أني ربه
أسقط ما اشاء فيه و أرفعُ
فاصطفيت في قلبي كله
موضعاً
يسمو عن الوجود
و آثامه
أسكنت فيه
ظبيةً تجلى خالقها
في طرف عينيها

نكمل بعد كم يوم

P.S: I still working in my project.

مشروع

شربت من كؤوس العشق
حتى الثمالة
فلم أذق
مثل عشقي
لظبيةٍ نجديةٍ
سلبت عقلي جنانه

نكمل بعد الاختبار

P.S: I am working on my project for great figures with mental disorders.. I hope it could be published tomorrow..

Best regards,

SOS

I’ve been awaken this morning at 7 a.m. because of my heart. It’s racing to death; it beats 89/second with altering in the character and strength of the beat. I could notice at least 2 missing beats in every minute. It has the pattern of irregular, irregular beat. Besides that, I notice lightheaded, shortness of breath. Now, it’s 12:30 p.m. and still my condition is not improving.


I had the first episode in 2008. Since then, it has been on and off, just for brief time, like few minutes. It could be due to anemia, over sympathetic discharge, or sleep disturbance.

Doctors, please your DDx.


Yeah, something else about my personal data: I'm male, 23 yrs old, medical student, single and I live in Riyadh.

French Coffee

French coffee, or a french kiss? They both have something in common; the shock when they touch my lips. I could imagine the taste of her tongue inside my mouth every time the coffee sips inside it. The picture would be complete if this kiss or coffee takes place inside a french car. However, It's being a long time since my last entry. I've been occupied by many thoughts, events, and business. Currently, I have 3 agenda are going up in my mind and real life.

First, I study psychiatry for now. It's very amusing and interesting, as I start to see and understand the world in a different way. However, it rings in my mind a bell to an important issue; are those patients are sick, or just extraordinary? It's very stressing to deal with patients who are considered ill for majority, while I think they're not sick. To tell the truth, the majority of our diagnosis approach is based on general population regular state. I think they're not sick due to three reasons. In the beginning, I want you to imagine a world with 95% of its population with mental disorders such as depression, mania, or schizophrenia. The rest of the population is normal, or what is considered to be normal for nowadays measures. Would the 95% think of us as psycho? Would they treat us to be just like them, normal people? To answer this question, I invite you all to visit the psychiatry ward in my hospital. Second reason is the facts of many figures are known to have a mental disorder. I would like to mention some of them in next update. Still, a friend asked me, are those people creative despite or because the disorder? That's a smart question, yet I'm not sure how to answer it. I hope to find an answer in the next few lines or from some of you.

My second agenda is my leg. My left leg. The poor one. I still feel the weight of the titanium nail inside it. I imagine myself every time I walk and limping as Dr. House does. Well, I think soon I'll be in a need for a cane. It started causing me a pain; harsh enough to awake me, nauseate me, and drive me crazy. It keeps ringing in my mind the idea of a pain killer. Still, is this all for real, or just a subconscious thoughts because I watch Dr. House? It's hard to know as I don't have an access to my subconscious. To tell the truth, I think I'm very limited in using my brain, power, gifts, and intelligent as I can't understand nor control my subconscious. To make it easier; the human brain can be divided into 10% of conscious, and 90% subconscious. The subconscious deals with many agenda without our awareness in every daily aspect of our life Those who are lucky enough to access the 90% may have stronger capabilities using their brains. Almost, only mental disorder patients access freely their subconscious. That, what I think, makes them extraordinary. So, they're special because of the disorder they have.

My third agenda is coffee. And before I start I hope if it were a French coffee. In the recent couple of weeks, I've been overusing or abusing coffee in my body. I wanted it to be at least a sweet addiction like French coffee. It's pretty, classy, smooth, and attracts many girls and some boys. Yet, I keep drinking very bitter and blackish one.However, I could identify, by using my body, a new kind of insomnia; caffeine induced insomnia. That puts me in a tough condition, as I need something to induce awakens, I need something to make me sleep.

To be continued..

-- Post From My iPhone

La Llorona

An Aztec goddess appeared in Tenochtitlan, an Aztec city, as a beautiful lady dressed in white. She cried all the night in misery: “oh my children… Your destruction has arrived. Where can I take you?”

In 1505, 2 years after the event we just mentioned, a girl named La Malinche was born in an Aztec province for a noble Aztec family. She has lived peacefully until 10 years later, in 1515 her father died, her mother remarried. Consequently, she was given to a Mayan slavery merchant. She learned to speak Mayan beside her mother Aztec tongue/language.

In 1519, La Malinche was given to invading Spanish as a gift along with 20 other girl. According to the story, she was too pretty and attractive to a European style that Cortés decided to keep her for himself. Few weeks later, she started to translate between Mayan and Aztec languages. The Spanish priest Gerónimo de Aguilar understood the Mayan language, because he had spent several years in captivity among the Maya peoples in Yucatán following a shipwreck. Cortés used Malinche and Aguilar to interpret until La Malinche learned Spanish and could be used as the sole interpreter.

La Malinche was linked to Cortés as a couple. Also, she was faithful to him. According to surviving records, Malinche learned of several plans by natives to destroy the small Spanish army, and she alerted Cortés of the danger and even played along with the natives in order to lead them into traps.

Cortés continued his conquest. He rejected the king requests for Cortés to return. That made the Spanish king and queen grew concerned more, since Cortés may claim the new lands to himself, and betray them. During that period, in 1521, La Malinche gave a birth to 2 boy twins by Cortés.

In 1522, the Spanish king convinced Cortés to return to spain. He simply sent him a beautiful seductive Spanish woman. Cortés told La Malinche about his decision to return to Spain with the twins and leave her behind. She started to be aware of her role helping Cortés killing and slaughtering her people. So, she prayed to her gods seeking help, one of them appeared to her and told her: “If you let him take your children, one of them will return and destroy your people.”

The night before Cortés departure, La Malinche escaped with the babies. Soon, the soldiers noticed her absence and started chasing her. At the lake that Mexico City rests on now, the soldiers approached La Malinche and surround her. Before capturing her, she pulls out a dagger and stabbed her 2 children in the heart, and dropped their dead bodies into the lake. She shouted in pain and sorrow from her heart: “oh, my children”

Until La Malinche death in 1531, she was seen and heard near the lake crying and weeping for her children. She is given the name “La Llorona,” the crying woman.

In 1547, Hernán Cortés dies of dysentery disease. In a letter preserved in the Spanish archives, Cortés writes “After God, we owe the conquest of New Spain to Doña Marina (La Malinche)”. While in Spain Cortés praises her name, in Mexico “Malinche” becomes a word stand for betrayal.

However, La Malinche death didn’t finish the story. Honestly, I believe the story has only begun. First appearance of La Llorona after La Malinche death was in 1550, in Mexico City. La Llorona most often appears in full moon eves, walking in the streets, wearing a white dress, with a light veil over her face. Her heartbreaking cries terrify everyone hears or sees her. In her last stop, she lets out her most desperate, horrific cry, after which she vanishes into the lake.

The ghost started to be real. In 1995, Susan Smith is found guilty of murder in the drowning deaths of her two sons by strapping them in their car seats and rolling the car into the John D. Long Lake in South Carolina.

Again, in 2001, Andrea Yates drowns her five children, ages 6 months to 7 years, in the bathtub in her house, Houston, Texas. Yates claims that she heard voices. She’s found, later on, to be guilty and sentenced for life long prison.

Last not least, in 2002, A woman named Bernadine Flores drowns her two children and herself in a river near Pilar, New Mexico.

Sources:

La Malinche
Hernán Cortés
La Llorona
La Llorona movie and legend

Happy Birthday to me

today is 2-12-1430.. in Arabic calendar. it means my 24th birthday..
to make it easier for anyone who wishes to buy me a gift..
I provide you with my wish list...
though,, i know nobody would bother to buy me anything..

بالعربي.. عشان لا احد يتحجج
اليوم يصير 2-12-1430هـــ،، يعني عيد ميلادي الـــ 24
و عشان اخلي الامور اسهل لاي احد يبي يشتري لي هدية
باعطيكم قائمة الاشياء اللي اتمناها
مع اني ادري ما احد بيتعب نفسه و يشتري لي شي
..

THE LINK
القائمة

The Chain

A sequence of events passed very quickly in my mind. I was in my friend car, listening to some music, I could at the point feel the unity of the guitar tone and me. The chain started from the guitar tone, to a conversation with a colleague, passing through a violin, and ending to me, having high standers, in life and friends. I want to take you with me in detail through this chain of my thoughts. However, recently, I’ve been through a lot of events, and I couldn’t catch a moment to write.

Violin, speaks the saddest sound a musical instrument can speak. I received one, 2 weeks ago, in a plan to learn how to play it. When I, first, held it in my hand, brought it closer to my neck, I realized that the arteries and veins that coming and going back to my heart lied beneath this instrument. That makes it very different to any musical instrument. I believe its sounds speak to and from my heart, my sorrow, and my ambition. In addition, it’s not very common to find people who can play such an elegant instrument.

A colleague asked me, while I was talking about my violin, why I didn’t buy a guitar. He didn’t ask why I bought a violin not a guitar. He didn’t ask me what’s so special about violin that I bought it and I didn’t buy a guitar. The nature of his question was very closed ended. I believe he assumed that nothing is better than guitar and asked based on his brilliant assumption. You can’t dare to discus him if guitar is not the best, as long as he believes so. This strict mentality fits the religious environment this boy was raised into. In the end, he only lives in absolute righteous and sure answers for every question, where no place for doubt. I’m not sure of what I’m saying next: (being liberal is accepting the chance of being wrong and admitting it, and many other advantages, like the freedom in sex practice, beliefs, and life options.) Anyway, I’m sure that my colleague community is eliminating different individuals. That’s why I’m fucking up eliminated in Riyadh. I can say I’m sure I’m different, and I’m very proud of being different. In the end of the conversation he asked me: (what’s violin?)

I was thinking between myself and myself ego, of Ahmed after 10 years for example. Myself ego was wondering between titles that I can be called. It was thinking like; Ahmed the doctor, the thinker, the writer, the poet, the revolutionist, or Ahmed the violinist. Well, I preferred to be called (The Violinist), it’s touching me deep within. The violinist is very extra ordinary.

Music, in any form, is amazing. Back to the beginning of this entry, and it all started there. I was listening in my friend’s car to a song; its name is La Llorona. La Llorona is an ancient Spanish legend, which in Spanish means “The crying/weeping woman”. The basic version is that La Llorona was a beautiful woman who killed her children to be with the man that she loved and was subsequently rejected by him. She drowned the children then killed herself, and is doomed to wander, searching for her children, always weeping. The story doesn’t end in here. I’ll be back soon to continue.

To be continued…

صلوات في هيكل الحب

لأبي القاسم الشابي


عذبةٌ أنتِ كالطفولة كالأحلام كاللحنِ كالصباحِ الجديدِ

كالسماء الضحوكِ كالليلةِ القمراءِ كالوردِ كابتسامِ الوليدِ

يا لها من وداعـةٍ وجَمالٍ وشبابٍ منعّمٍ أملودِ

يا لَهَا من طهارةٍ تبعثُ التقديسَ في مهجة الشقيّ العنيد



يا لها من رقّةٍ تكاد يرفّ الوردُ منها في الصخرة الجلمود

أيّ شيء تراك هل أنت فينيس تَهادت بين الورى من جديد

لتعيد الشبابَ والفرحَ المعسـولَ للعالَمِ التعيس العميـد

أم ملاك الفردوس جاء إلى الأرضِ ليحيي روح السلام العهيد



أنتِ .. ما أنتِ ؟ رسمٌ جَميلٌ عبقريٌّ من فنّ هذا الوجود

فيك ما فيه من غموضٍ وعمقٍ وجمالٍ مقدّسٍ معبود

أنتِ ما أنتِ؟ أنت فجرٌ من السحر تَجلّى لقلبِي المعمود

فأراه الحياةَ في مونق الحُسن وجلّى له خفايا الخلود



أنت روح الربيع تختال في الدنيا فتهتز رائعاتُ الورود

تهب الحياة سكرى من العطر ويدوّي الوجود بالتغريد

كلما أبصرتك عيناي تَمشين بخطو موقّع كالنشيد

خفق القلبُ للحياة ورفّ الزهرُ في حقل عمري الْمجرود



وانتشت روحي الكئيبة بالحبّ وغنّت كالبلبلِ الغرّيد

أنت تحيين في فؤادي ما قد مات في أمسي السعيد الفقيد

وتشيدين في خرائب روحي ما تلاشى في عهدي الْمجدود

من طموحٍ إلى الجمالِ إلى الفنِّ إلى ذلك الفضاءِ البعيد



وتبثين رقّة الأشواق والأحلام والشدو والهوى في نشيدي

بعد أن عانقت كآبة أيامي فؤادي وألْجمت تغريدي

أنت أنشودة الأناشيد غنّاك إلهُ الغناء ربّ القصيد

فيك شبّ الشباب وشّحَهُ السحرُ وشدو الهوى وعطر الورود



وتبثين رقّة الأشواق والأحلام والشدو والهوى في نشيدي

بعد أن عانقت كآبة أيامي فؤادي وألجمت تغريدي

أنت أنشودة الأناشيد غنّاك إلهُ الغناء ربّ القصيد

فيك شبّ الشباب وشّحَهُ السحرُ وشدو الهوى وعطر الورود



وقوام يكاد ينطق بالألحان في كل وقفة وقعود

كل شيء موقع فيك حتى لفتة الجيد واهتزاز النهود

أنت..أنت الحياة في قدسها السامي وفي سحرها الشجيّ الفريد

أنت.. أنت الحياة في رقة الفجرِ وفي رونق الربيع الوليد



أنت .. أنت الحياة كل أوان في رواء من الشباب جديد

أنت.. أنت الحياة فيكِ وفي عينيك آيات سحرها الممدود

أنت دنيا الأناشيد والأحلام والسحر والخيال المديد

أنت فوق الخيال والشعر والفن وفوق النهى وفوق الحدود



أنت قدسي ومعبدي وصباحي وربيعي ونشوتي وخلودي

يا ابنة النور إنني أنا وحدي من رأى فيك روعك المعبود

فدعيني أعيش في ظلك العذب وفي قرب حُسنك المشهود

عيشة للجمال والفن والإلهام والطهر والسنَى والسجود



عيشة الناسك البتول يناجي الرب في نشوة الذهول الشديد

وامنحيني السلام والفرح الروحي يا ضوء فجري المنشود

وارحميني فقد تَهدمت في كون من اليأس والظلام مشيد

أنقذيني من الأسى فلقد أمسيت لا أستطيع حَمل وجودي



في شعب الزمان والموت أمشي تحت عبء الحياة جم القيود

وأماشي الورى ونفسي كالقبر وقلبي كالعالم المهدود

ظلمة ما لَها ختام وهول شائع في سكونِها الممدود

وإذا ما استخفى عبث الناس تبسمت في أسى وجُمود



بسمة مرة كأني أستلّ من الشوك ذابلات الورود

وانفخي في مشاعري مرح الدنيا وشدّي من عزمي المجهود

وابعثي في دمي الحرارة علّي أتغنى مع المنَى من جديد

وأبثّ الوجود أنغام قلب بلبليّ مكبلٍ بالحديد



فالصباح الجميل ينعش بالدفء حياة المحطم المكدود

أنقذيني فقد سئمت ظلامي أنقذيني فقد مللت ركودي

آه يا زهرتي الجميلة لو تدرين ما جدّ في فؤادي الموحود

في فؤادي الغريب تُخلق أكوانٌ من السحر ذات حسن فريد



وشُمُوس وضاءة ونجوم تنثر النـور في فضاء مديد

وربيع كأنه حلم الشاعر في سكرة الشباب السعيد

ورياض لا تعرف الحلك الداجي ولا ثورة الخريف العتيد

وطيـور سحرية تتناغى بأناشيد حلـوة التغريد



وقصور كأنها الشفق المخضوب أو طلعة الصباح الوليد

وغيوم رقيقة تتهادى كأباديد من نُثـار الورود

وحياة شعرية هي عندي صورة من حياة أهل الخلود

كل هذا يشيده سحر عينيك وإلهام حسنك المعبود



وحرام عليك أن تهدمي ما شاده الحسن في الفؤاد العميد

وحرام عليك أن تسحقي آمال نفس تصبو لعيش رغيد

منك ترجو سعادة لم تجدها في حياة الورى وسحر الوجود

فالإله العظيم لا يرجم العبد إذا كان في جلال السجود

Driving, driving me crazy

While driving in Riyadh, I like to notice other drivers’ behavior. Beside the rudeness and harsh driving environment or battlefield, I observe another important behavior. Almost, everybody like to dig in their own battlefield, I mean noses. They do it in highways, traffic lights, or while waiting in parking, they do it alone, with their friends, wives, college, or anybody else. They just can’t resist the desire of digging for gold in their rotten noses. I could notice another irresistible habit while driving; religious people always keep moving their hands over their beard. Some people feel proud about mucus inside their noses, and some feel proud for having long beards.

In America, people in bureau, in streets, and everywhere are very helpful when it comes to blonde girl. The concept beneath that is strange, and I can’t really understand it, still blondes are very pretty, seducing, and to some extent they’re easy going. Yet, we may consider being blonde in there like a privilege. In Saudi Arabia, we reached the same level of thinking privilege wise. Considering the variation, here the attitude goes toward people with very ugly face characters, gloomy, a skirted thoubes/dress, and a long very long pony tail hair style, I mean pony tail beard. Religious people here has the same privilege blonde girls has in America. It could be due to their huge asses, and I mean religious men, since it’s very suggesting of a deep sexual experiment. Ironically enough, some shaved Egyptian doctors start to raise their plants once they arrive to here, as well you may notice some enlargements somewhere else.

Homosexuality and religious people is like a twin. I wanna specify catholic priests. They live under stress; they can’t marry or practice sex. I’m not sure of what they think regarding masturbation, still it’s not joyful doing it for life time. At one point, I’m sure they would explode and seek for a hole to dig. That leaded me to 2 main aspects. First, Saudi people may dig their noses in really a depressed trail to find a gold. However, I could notice some rich people do the same. So, beside gold, they may seek, like priests, for a hole to dig into. You can’t underestimate the stress Saudi population live under. Beside the conditions I just mentioned regarding the Catholics, there’re many other things; hot weather, strict community rules, and the thrill sensation of doing something prohibited. Second aspect is the trust we give religious people when it comes to our children.

I’m really forced to put it into this way; the only exposed white meat in Saudi Arabia is children. And poor religious men, they have to be face to face all the time with children, to teach them, behaving them, and raise them as a good Muslims. There’s that rumor of a test called faith testing/compromising, in that test, a religious man tries to seduce a young pretty lad. When the boy refuses, he passes the faith test. However, when he agrees to be fucked, he would join the holy community of beards.

Religious people don’t only drive their cars, they drive the community. Today morning I went to have a breakfast in a restaurant. I asked for music, like Firouz, for the sake of the lovely morning atmosphere. Alas, they all were afraid of MOTO3 to come and punish them. They looked terrified when it came to the punish issue. I think that punish consists of faith testing. In Saudi Arabia, you can’t practice the minimum freedom regarding your life. Starting from your appearance, passing through the times you go to bathroom, the time you do sex with your wife or potential one, and ending with the freedom of thinking and speaking.

Thanks to them, religion is like a market, offering and demanding. We’re globalizing Islam through them. If you need to be accepted in an occupation, we must allow them check your ass virginity or experience. Then, when you need a promotion, the longest your beard is, the biggest the promotion you have. Eventually, you need to be slave to them, in every aspect of your life. Your ringtones, your clothes, your manners, even your wife must not do sex and attend their female meetings. Also, you need to take your children to them, to test their faith. This way, we will end soon, like 10 years with a community of gays. No hard feeling my gay friends, I will correct it, a community of religious homosexual.

الولد و الحمار

الطفل : أبي .....!

الأب : نعم ..!؟

الطفل : هل أنت ليبرالي ؟

الأب: الليبرالية شرف لم أصل إليه بعد يا أبني .. أنا طالب علم في الليبرالية ...!

الطفل : وماهي أهداف الليبرالية .. أبي .؟!

الأب : إخراج الناس من الظلمات إلى النور ..!!

الطفل : وما هي الظلمات .. وما هو النور في الليبرالية ..!

الأب : ظلمات الجهل والتخلف .. ظلمات قديمة يا أبني .. أما النور فهو نور الحرية والديمقراطية ..!!

الطفل : وما هي الديمقراطية ..!!

الأب : الديمقراطية هي الفكر والرقي وتقبل الأراء .. مهما كانت ...!

الطفل : مهما كانت ...........؟!!!

الأب: نعم مهما كانت ...!!

الطفل : وما هي الحرية ؟!

الأب : الحرية هي أن كل شيء قابل للنقاش .. ولا يوجد هناك شيء مقدس ..!!

الطفل : لا يوجد شيء مقدس أبدا ؟

الاب : نعم لا يوجد شيء ومن حقك ان تشك وتناقش في أي شيء في دين الليبرالية ...!

الطفل بعد تفكير في كلام وحكم والده : إنك حمار ليبرالي يا أبي إذن ...!

الأب : ويحك .. ماذا قلت ؟ أتصف أباك بأنه حمار ... وهنا قام بصفع إبنه على وجهه ...!

الطفل وبكل براءة : ألم تقل إنه لا يوجد شيء مقدس ؟.. إذا فاحترامي لك مسألة قابلة للنقاش ؟!!

الأب لا يدري ما يقول : يا إبني إن الإسلام يأمر الإبن أن يحترم أباه " وبالوالدين إحسانا " ..!

الطفل : ألم أقل للك إنك حماار يا أبي ؟؟

الاب بعصبية : لماذا ؟

الطفل : ألم تقل إنه لا يوجد شيء مقدس .؟.!!

الأب : يا إبني .. معك حق في ذلك .. وانا كنت مثللك تماما .. ولكن ماذا نفعل إنها أوامر البيت الأبيض ...!

الطفل : وما هو البيت الأبيض ؟

الأب : إنه جنة الليبرالية ...!

الطفل : ولماذا يسمونه الأبيض ؟

الأب : لان سريرته بيضاء ..!

الطفل : ولماذا لا تكون سريرته سوداء ؟.!!

الأب : صه .. صه .. ويحك أتجرأ على قول ذلك ..!

عاد الطفل من جديد وقال : ألم أقل للك إنك حمار يا أبي .. ألم نتفق على أنه لا يوجد شيء مقدس وغير قابل للشك ..!؟ الأب : صدقت يأ إبني .. ولكن لا تنسى أنني طالب علم في الليبرالية .. وهدفي هو القضاء على " بني طوعان "!! الطفل : ومن هم بني طوعان ؟؟

الأب : إنهم أعداء.. الليبرالية ... وهم جماعة نشأت للقضاء على الليبرالية وعدالتها ..!!

الطفل : متى نشأت الليبرالية .. ؟ ومتى نشأ بني طوعان أبي ؟؟!

الأب : بني طوعان موجودون منذ قرابة الالف واربع مئة عام .. والليبرالية موجوده منذ قرابة الأربعة قرون ...!! الطفل يهم بالخروج قائلا : اسف يا أبي إنك حمار كبير ..!

الأب : لماذا :؟

الطفل ..! : إذا كان بني طوعان موجودون منذ الف سنه تقريبا فكيف تقول لي إنهم جماعة نشأت لتحارب الليبرالية التي نشأت بعدهم بقرابة االسبعة قرون ..!؟.!؟.!؟.

و هنا خرج الطفل من عند أبية وبقي الأب في غرفتة يكتب مقالا بعنوان " بنو طوعوان تتسبب في حوار حاد بين أب وإبنه ..!"

وخرج الطفل وكتب على جدار بيتهم : يوجد لدينا حمار ديمقراطي ..

للبيع والإستفسار : مراجعة سفارة البيت الأبيض ..!

to know my enemies better..

the entry was copied from an email I received

I'm real

Narcissus was a pretty and very handsome man. He was spending hours enjoying the reflection of his image over the lake surface. One day, he got close to the water, so he might take a closer look to himself. Alas, he got drawn and sinks into the lake.
One way or another, we all do the same. We keep looking and thinking of our look/appearance, thought, ideas, acts, and behavior, like we do the best and most righteous. Though, I welcome criticism in my blog, I’m not sure how I’d react toward such an event. Most of the time, we talk, think, or in my case write. Yet, how oblige are we toward what we say in front of the public? We keep observing what we do, and forget to look to the world around us. Therefore, a lot of us live in a pink atmosphere, where they’re over protected, and served the best.
After trauma, a person passes through 4 stages; shock, depression, grave, and realization. People are different. Some are like chicken, their mouths write check that their asses can’t pay. Some are heroes. I don’t think my heroes are extraordinary. They don’t carry guns or knives to protect or kill others. They don’t ride motorcycles and patrol the neighborhood to look after security and safety. As well, they realize there’s a huge gray area in this pinky world. People are different in their manners regarding the trauma our community faces.
My heroes are regular guys. What makes a big difference between people is one thing; their obligation to what they say or believe. I kept writing in this place for almost 8 months. I was theorizing about community, manners, and values. The bad news, I failed in the first test I went through regarding my theories. I’m not a hero. I enabled a guy to carry on living in his pinky atmosphere.
I have to admit it’s hard and aching to continue writing what I’m about to write. I divided people earlier into chicken and heroes. Let’s put another categorization; enablers and disablers. We ensure our friends after trauma that everything will be alright; dead people will come to life after being buried, lost ones will be found alive, and wasted values will never to be lost, because we’re the community of angels. Enablers keep us the longest period into the shock stage. We just keep disbelieving how bad people we turn to. They just encourage us to ignore our miserable life, how weak, mistaken, mischievous we’re, and just run after ideality. How can a person be ideal, and he/she is full of flaws?
Shock usually lasts for days. The traumatic changes in my community as it has a mass effect, it may last for years and years. Considering all those enablers in my place, I think shock may last forever. To tell the truth, I’m writing while I’m shocked. How did I participate enabling a lame guy? I can’t stop imaging the future, and that guy in an important position. He will be a satin. At least, satin realized his mistake, or what is claimed to be mistake. Our enablers, I became one of them, are worse than satin as everything we do is correct. More enablers we have, more Narcissus individual we have in the community. People think of their selves as the absolute rightness. They expect us clapping for everything, all the rubbish, they do. Their selfishness makes them believe that people just try and struggle to be like them. Therefore, we, I mean they live in that pinky atmosphere.
Thank you for my disabler. A person who had the gut to stop me enabling. Then, she told me that I’m doing something wrong. I’m real, I don’t wanna be enabler, I don’t wanna be Narcissus, and I don’t wanna live in any pinky atmosphere. I’m real, I wanna endure the pain of the trauma, to be stronger.

What about boys?

Surprisingly, humans in first early phases of life are similar, especially genital wise. What happens is that some organs decide to protrude or retried in males, and stay intact/ unchanged in females. To tell the truths, in embryonic life, we all are females, being male is the exception from life rule.

I don't know the reason beneath the difference between those 2 genders. Regardless, the recent merging of new genders. Apart of being unique than any other animals, we do sex for the sake of fun. So, God why do you limit this pleasure in females? Honestly, I don't think my question was constructed correctly. Though, females are created with virginity membrane, while males are free to mess up without any limitation. I remembered a very respectful & beloved man told me that some can observe and tell if an individual has sex or not before. However, many people use virgin or bitch, rather than virgin or not. Back to my question, in a right form, why the community thinks a big deal of girl’s virginity? Why do they NOT think the same of males?

I posted an entry about a fake virginity membrane few days ago. I chose to publish it for many reasons.
First, I demand creating a virginity lock for males, and invent a fake one to use in case the original was broken.
Second, always a person deserves a second, third, fourth, and 100th chance.
Third and most important, what if my future wife is NOT virgin, so what? How unfair it's to decide the purity, fate, future, & behavior of a human being based on wearing eye glasses. Usually, that results because of abusing the eye. It could be in the form of watching nude girls and masturbate. It could be spending hours and hours reading and learning. We determine girls’ purity according to her vagina experience and hymen membrane. I don't care if it was lost doing sex or pleasuring herself as it's her right, or it could be her mistake. We all are humans, and a special feature of being a human is doing mistake. That determines will be accepted only when it could be applied on males.

The concept of the evolution is taking the best of me. The hymen was evolved in females due to males demand & mentality. 10 thousand years later, when females become dominant, males will start to develop virginity lock/ring.

مريم

كادت دمائي
أن تتحول
كأس نبيذٍ أحمر
لاذعاً في جرأته
معتقاً في أزمنةِ الألم الأحمر
كيف فعلهُ، يألمني عصره
و تسكرك
حين ارتحاله
بين الرحمِ و الفمِ
نشوةُ الفرحِ..
يالقدرة الله
في كأسٍ خمر،
و فنجانٍ من دمي،
خلق منها آدمياً سوي.
اسمه عيسى
و أنتِ مريم
أضعتي الأب
في ذاكرة الفجرِ
الذي كنت فيه تشربين
و ترقصين
ثم تطعنين عفافكِ
بخنجري البتول
و تفرين
تلاحقك حتى المحراب
رائحة دمي
ترقص خارج شراييني
تطرق جدران أذنكِ
ضجيج قطراته
في سبيل العتق
من لحمي و آثامي.
تظهرين
من المحراب تحملين جنيني
تصبحين في عيون النساكِ
نبيةً
و أنت،
أنتِ الصليب
تعفنت فوقكِ
أوصالي

07-10-2009

أوراق الخريف

أبحث عن أنفاس الخريف
تاهت في خارطة الزمنِ
و ضاعت في ترتيب الفصول
مل خريفي العودة
حين يهم آيلول بالخروج
من بيت الشهورِ
و حزم أمره
أن يجول و يصول
لوحده،
فصلا فريدا
في فضاء وجهك الدافيء
(أبيض يستسقى الغمام بوجهه)*
و يعصف بسكونه في شعرك
فتسقط من فوق العروش
مكللةً بالجلالِ
أوراق الربيعِ
تهمس تحت أقدامك
ببقايا حياةٍ آبية
و ألفاظٍ أضاعت سبيلها
إلى الوجود
تكشف في لبها سراً و وصية.
رفقاً يا خريفية المزاج،
ماتت تحت وقع خطاكِ
قصص الزمن العتيق
و غناء الغدير
يصلي بين يديك
رسمت في الغابِ طريقه،
و اليوم
عجباً لك
ترشدينه
سبيل مماتِه،
فليتم حول الضحية
نادب الورد
يأخذ روح الحياةِ
صريخه و عويله.
أتعشقين الخريفَ؟
فتذبحين له النذورَ
و حين يهم بالرحيلِ
تسجدين رجاءً
أن يطيل المقامَ
لتهجدي
وسط العواصف
في هدوءٍ و سكينة.
سأبحث عن خريفي
ذاك الذي أعرف
يأتي العاصفُ
حامل بين يديه حضناً دافئا
و ذكرى من الشوق
أودعتها خريف السنين السابقة**

30-9-2009

P.S: thank u for ur help ;)

*ابو طالب

** بعض الصور في النص مسروقة من صديقي

Fragile

بـ 15 دولار فقط.. غشاء بكارة صينى يعيد العذرية للفتيات

دمشق: وسط إنتقادات واسعة، إنتشرت فى الفترة الأخيرة أغشية بكارة صناعية مستوردة من الصين داخل الأسواق السورية.

واشار تقرير لوكالة أنباء "دى برس" السورية أن غشاء البكارة الصينى يباع في دمشق بـ 15 دولار. ونقلت الوكالة نص الإعلان الشائع في شوارع المدن الصينية الذي يقول "استعيدي عذريتك في خمس دقائق ، المنتج التكنولوجي الراقي.. سرك المفزع يختفي للأبد، استعيدي عذريتك بخمسة عشر دولارا بلا جراحة ولا حقن ولا أدوية ولا آثار جانبية بخمسة عشر دولارا فقط" .

وتوقعت الوكالة السورية رواجا للمنتج في سوريا حيث يحظى بطلب كبير، كما يؤكد العديد من أطباء النساء الذين يرون أن مثل هذه المنتجات لم تكن يوماً بحاجة إلى حملة تسويقية خاصة، لأنها معدة لهذه المجتمعات وزبائنها قادرون على التقاطها مباشرة .

وقالت ان المنتج الذي مكث في الصين فترة تصنيعه فقط دخل الأسواق العربية وبطرق غير شرعية بحثاً عن مشترين بعد ان عانى الركود في بلد المنشأ.

واشارت "دي برس" إلى أن هذا الغشاء الصناعي يشكل أحدث التطورات في عالم ترقيع غشاء البكارة والذي يتم عادة في عيادات نسائية شبه سرية متخصصة في هذا المجال، ما سينعكس بشكل كبير على سوق هؤلاء الأطباء الذين طالما احتكروا سوق المتاجرة بغشاء البكارة وبأسعار يحكمها ضعف المرأة وحاجتها لمثل هذه العملية.

المصدر

دعوة لإعدام مستوردي "غشاء البكارة الصيني"

"جرائم الشرف" عقاب العلاقة الجنسية قبل الزواج

طالب عضو مجمع البحوث الإسلامية في مصر بتطبيق حد الحرابة او الإعدام على من يقوم باستيراد غشاء البكارة الاصطناعي والذي يستخدم لإخفاء الفتاة ممارستها الجنس قبل الزواج.

وقال عبد المعطي بيومي عميد كلية أصول الدين سابقا بجامعة الأزهر إن استيراد جهاز "غشاء البكارة الصيني" يساعد على نشر الرذيلة في المجتمع، وبالتالي فإن حكم من يستورده كحكم المفسدين في الأرض.

ويطلق الجهاز سائلا أحمر يشبه الدم عند بدء ممارسة العلاقة الزوجية.

ويعتبر الغشاء الصيني بديلا رخيصا وبسيطا لعملية ترقيع غشاء البكارة المحظورة لكن يتم إجراؤها سرا في دول عديدة في الشرق الأوسط.

وترفض الأعراف الاجتماعية في الدول العربية ممارسة الفتاة للجنس قبل الزواج، وتشهد دول كثيرة منها انتشار "جرائم الشرف" التي تقتل فيها الفتاة من قبل رجال في أسرتها فيما يرونها ثأرا لشرفهم الممتهن بسبب سلوكها.

وقد انتشر استخدام الغشاء في عدد من الدول العربية ومن بينها سوريا، حيث يبلغ ثمنه هناك 15 دولارا فقط.

المصدر

Assorted Feelings

طفلي أنين

عيدي
و قناديلُ من الأسى
يحملها الأطفالُ أمامي
تضيء درباً معتماً
من الأقدارِ
تاهت فيه بسمةً فوق شفاهي
تلتقها في كل حينٍ
طعنةٌ غادرةٌ
فأُصبِح بقلبٍ
نازفٍ منذ اللأزلِ
و عقلٍ ذاهل
عن مقبلِ الأيامِ.
أزف العيد
و جوعٌ في فؤادي ينمو
لتلك التي
أناجيها في اليراعِ
و أنيني لها اليوم
يدخل ذكرى
المجاعة
يصبح عمره خمسُ سنينِ
يالضجيج المؤدبِ
في الطفل الأنينِ
كم يريد الركض
وراء أقرانه الأسوياء
كيف له؟
و قد هزأت به
لمزاً عيونُ الأمهاتِ
و طفلي دون أُم
ترضعه
فيسكنُ أنين

يوم العيد..21-9-2009

Angelism

Imam Ali when he was stabbed, he shouted: “I have won, by God’s Kabaa. “ He was waiting for death, and relieved by it approaching him. Neither Ali’s allies nor enemies could understand him, or his final aim. Now, after 1400 year of his death, still both Shittie and Soni communities understand this great man only according to their points of view. From the first day after the prophet death, Ali scarified all of him for the sake of Muslims union. Later on, he focused on the improvement of the community, of being fair, justice, and treating all people evenly. Ali understood the human being value, and fought the entire world for the human being dignity.

To understand Ali’s personality better, we need to understand ourselves, and to learn how to respect the individual for the sake of humanity. He says: “people are either a brother for you in religion, or similar in the creation.” I don’t think Ali would be happier if he has been recreated in our community, again. Anyway, we are not perfect community, it’s impossible to be angels’ community. Ali didn’t want society of angels, he just wanted less hypocrisy. We divide people in many endless categories, tribal and none tribal, Saudi and none Saudi, Arab and none Arab, Muslims and none Muslims, Shia and Soni, and for the worse, poor and rich people. We forgot the main measurement, people are equal, and their value is what they do. In one song for Sting, he says: “I’m not a man of too many faces. The mask I wear is one.” Each individual in my place has too many faces. We play wearing masks accordingly to the position and situation. The perfect person is who wears the best mask in the best place. That’s called among my people: diplomacy, well behaving, and good acting. Yet, I think Ali would call it hypocrisy. Indeed, you can't live among a society which can't understand you. It's like living in the hell.

Recently, I was invited to a lecture about Ali. Unfortunately, the lecturer forgot all Ali manners and values, and kept talking about vengeance, and the unfair treatment Ali had had. However, people started crying like they worship Ali, yet I believe they left zero-handed from Ali’s teachings. In same side, those who insult Ali or think down of him forgot how Ma’wia was really the bad guy and they’re just fooled after 1400 year by a trick he started.

I just mentioned few lines earlier, how Ali was treating people evenly; I repeat this concept again for the sake of its importance. One lovely friend is planning to propose to a girl he is in love with. His main concerns is her mother, she’s Lebanese. Unlikely, his parents would accept this girl for only the previous reason. It’s hard to scale this equation. It consists of two main parts, community/hypocrisy, and the guy happiness, assuming they would be happy among those duplicated people. His parents would not like to hear people look down to their child and his future wife because of her mother. On the other hand, my friend thinks of that disadvantage, as an advantage and benefit to renew the blood line of his family. I hope the best for him. Again, living among people you can't understand is like living in hell.

How the scenario of history could have been changed if Ali was the ruler of the Islamic government. How the life of my friend would change, from absolute doubt, to happiness after lasting.

Eat meat freely

My friends,
here's one good news
watch the video up to the end
and later on
enjoy eating whatever you want in
AMERICA
or anywhere else..

P.S: عقبال المسيار و المتعة
و تأكلو من اللحم الأبيض حلال..

Sorrow

I’m not sure of what I’m writing. I don’t wanna face reality, it’s very sore. When world stops moving, I would be the reason, that’s one. I’m a pair of myself, I don’t need to be paired, and that’s two. Three, I speak divine power mind.

All the previous rubbish aimed to destruct you from my two overlapping main ideas. First, I was sick, and I really argue all the world regard the meaning of sickness (in a later entry when I become sick again). Second, women change the world face.

When you’re sick, it’s your spirit complains your body and/or emotion. The balance inside a healthy human being, always, goes for the favor of positive attitude. I keep standing amazed in front of the word illness. Ill, you see the architecture of the world, it’s very harmonic and organized, yet it’s extremely chaotic. When an illness starts fight a human body, it goes in very tight system, more complicated than human being system. However, a sick body starts from a sick mind. To tell the truth, I wasn’t sick because a rotten or low hygienic food. I was sick of being alone.

Women change the world. To be more specific, Eve initiated the world in the first place. Since then, women have kept controlling the earth. Countless numbers of wars occurred for the sake of a woman, one beautiful, rich, smart, and sometime playful female. I’m in the middle of a war of the same kind. Alas, I have no woman so far. I think I was the leader of the war, and I forgot to take my share of females. Finally, I ended up alone, and accused of uneven shared distribution. It’s a story of two soldiers want the same woman. I’m sorry for them; she has one period every month, not twice. However, women turn dearest friends into deadest enemies. Honestly, I turned to virtual woman to make up my miserable situation. In the end, I found out my situation was getting more miserable.

So here is the first line of my entry, most of my friends got married, and left my alone.

The last line, my parents told me just to point to the girl I want her to be my gorgeous wife. Yet, I stupidly rejected the whole idea.

To be continued…

عقد اللؤلؤ

هذه قصة المطر:

قبل أن أنام
أغمضت عينيَّ في سلام
أغلقت جدران فخذي
على ليلة بائسة،
و أسدلت ستائر المسرح
على بطولة زائفة،
لم أحسب أن السماء ستطرق
زجاج شرفتي،
تفزعني من نومي،
تمسك يدي،
و تسحبني تحت المطر،
ارتجف عريانا إثر البللِ،
أدرك بحواسي
ما لا تراه عيون البشر،
آثما، تغسل خطايَّ
لأبصر ملكوت العالم الأرفعِ،
أرى حواري تحمل لآلئ،
و تهم بالسقوط
علها تسحق العشب تحتها
و في الحشائش يكمن لها
غلمانٌ و جنود،
كلما دنت حوريةٌ
أمسكوها، يقبلونها،
و يبثون شهوة الحياة
في مخلوقٍ من الخلود،
ضدان يجتمعان
فتذوب سماوية الوجودِ
و يبقى عقد اللؤلؤ
أسيراً لكتبية التراب
غنيمة للورد
و فيئا للندى
فتبعث الشمس
ناعي الحور،
يطرق أبواب الفجرٍ
يملؤ قوارير الحياةِ
دمعاً و آسى
أي صبحٍ ممطر ذاك
تنعى فيه الكائنات ذاتها
ضاعت
في حفلة المطر
عويلها أفزع السهاد
من عيوني،
أفيق على مسرح المعركة
بجانبي ملائكية الوجه،
نبضها ينضب،
و أنفاسها مجهدة،
كانت تمطر البارحة،
ألم تلحظِ فوق شفاهك العذراء
شيئاً من البلل،
و تفجرت خلايا جسدي
ينابيعاً من المطر

ليفينج ستون، سكوتلندا
الأحد 1-8-2009

Slavery

“Some men are slaves by nature”, Aristotle. I considered him as a wise man all the time, until I read this unwise says. However, it’s very bizarre to determine the freedom of somebody from the first moment of his birth, and to some extent the slavery of families for generations and ages, just because they’re slaves by nature! On the other hand, emancipated slaves often come back and search for a master to obey. They can’t realize the meaning of freedom and being free.

Through history, people used to sell themselves, their sons and daughters. I question the value of human being at that period, as well as the importance of freedom. However, it’s relative being free and die of hunger or being killed, rather being slave, fed up and protected. Living was priority at one point of the history. Fortunately, some people changed their minds and decided dying free rather than living as slaves.

Within the history course, what noticed is a struggle of human mankind’s in pursuit of freedom. Moses took his Jewish slaves from Pharaoh and passed the sea running away. Islam limited the slavery and considered free men equal to slave. That’s regarding absolute slavery, yet when it came to people who were just treated like slaves you see them revolute. French is good example to the seeking of freedom, and revaluation against mistreating. Few days ago, I asked a lovely pageant woman what god she worships. She answered me that I don’t feel inferior to anything to be follower/slave to and worship. So, it’s a human nature to resist slavery and being slaved, in contrary of what Aristotle said.

I’m surprised when a whole population being enslaves, and approves it. It’s not ancient Egypt, or a contract of being sold and bought, it’s today in our modern life. Along all countries, and most decent ancient monarchies, we have no country like what I’m about telling of. In old days, the slave is referred/ named after his master, the master of earth and lives above it. It’s the same concept today; some are referred to their land lords. I wonder how stupid these people are, especially when they’re asked, where they are from. Proudly, they answer I’m a slave to my land lord, to my master, and I’m Saudi. In Arabic language when we want to refer something to its origin we use “i" in the end of the word. No need to mention their names, it’s understandable that we are the only country who referred to the monarch.

Don’t ask me how my people approve to be enslaved in this way. They’re just born and die as slaves. It has never been in the history, yet it’s happening nowadays. We breath what they want us to breath; pollutions, industry smokes, and toxins. Alas we’re thankful they allowed us to breath. We learn in schools everyday to respect the master whom we live and die by his order. We work our lives for him to live the best life. Unfortunately, every night we go to bed, we smile before sleeping and pray for the master long living. In some nights, we just obey his orders and give him our wives to sleep with and produce a new slave, named after his highness. This is unique in the human history; enslave population who accepts to be slaves.

So back to the beginning of my entry, “some men are slaves by nature,” and some are meant to be slaves by their own desire. Otherwise, they don’t know how to be respected human beings.

the doctor i want to be

Recently I went to livingston and carried out my elective. I met many great doctors but the greatest of these was a medical student called Lalani. She is very smart and very kind and very lovely... both doctors and patients loved her for her cleverness. I hope someday to be as wonderful as doctor as she however I can never be as great because she is too clever and knows all about medicine. Still i can try


written by Ahmed

Prophecy

I’m waiting for the prophecy. Listening to the silence, silently, to show respect to it. It’s just the heave of trees, rain dance while it drops in joy, and birds singing. I keep my eyes on earth all the time, seeking for the fallen star.

I’m alone and lonely. It’s echoing through the empty walls of my cells, my heart, my chest, my room, my block, my city, my country, and the entire world around me. Oh, is it the world around me, or am I surrounding it? That may explain the echo! As well, it may explain my loneliness. However, it could be good to listen sometimes to yourself while you talk, to realize how stupid you talk.

People continually change, starting from atom level up to mental level. We may change for the best or the worse. We may progress or regress. We may give life once, we easily die. We change for sure. When I review my changes, I figured to have been changed a lot through previous years, either passively or actively. Ok, let’s review some changes. When I say we, I mean me and myself, as to respect the difference between my spirit and my mind. So, I’m getting more isolated, more silent, and less socially. One nice friend told me that these are signs of prophecy, I’m getting more prophetic, and soon I’ll be prophet. It has been three weeks abroad, without any social contacting. I’m just being more listening, thinking, and deciding not to make any friends.

I am not sure of what I feel. My other dear friend told me to get marriage soon. I’m ruining myself by my own, staying alone like this. So, it’s me enjoying myself alone. I think Riyadh experience and atmosphere are stuck in my lower conscious and hunting me with loneliness. It tells me no body fits me, I’m alone because I’m superior to everybody else. So, Riyadh did the worse to me!

It’s very strange place to live in, because it’s a desert. Whom stupid enough to live in a desert? I chose to do so, 5 years ago. Now, my heart, soul, mind and I live in a desert. They are in a desert all the time even in Eden. It’s more like mental status. Is it mentality of being alone, more unique? Is it being more alone, safer? Is it not secured sensation all over my heart? Yet, I think no heart has left to me after 5 years experience.

I’m gravely sad to myself, ending up like this. Cry myself a river for being lonely.

Reviewed later on.

و الفجر

و الفجر

يحسب القدر أنه انتصر
خلفته وراء ظهري طويلاً
حبسته في أصابعي ترمي النرد
و تركته في قفص الشك وحيداً
حتى نزع القيد
و ثار
بدد الشكوك حابسأً إياي
أمام يقين الاحتمالات رقماً فريداً
استوحدني الليل،
قمراً دون النجوم،
بسمةُ أمام وجه العُبوس،
آهٍ
ليلي الطروب،
صار أبكماً
يضحك القدر فيه طويلاً
فتهرب الجواري الحسان
خوفاً
و تجف الخمرة فوق شفاه الكؤوس
فتجذب شفاهي..
و تنضب آبار الجنون في دمائي..
يحسب أني سأصبح غداً
خاسراً
وحيداً
و تضيء الشمس شعاعاً ذهبيا
على ضريح الشهيد
تمتص الدماء
فيصير الفجرُ
أحمراً
دموياً.
يفزعُ فيه السكوت
من سكونه،
فتضج ملائكة السماء
عصياناً
و ذهولاً،
ترفع رؤسها نحوي،
صرت بعد الدماء نبيا!
ينبض الكون وراء
وقع قلبي،
أمر الليل أن يمسيَ
فجراً
فأنسى
ذات يومٍ
أني كنت فيه وحيداً..

ليفينج ستون، سكوتلندا
23-7-2009

The Oven

I believe old Egyptian used a unique method in anti aging process, to keep their kings young. In same time, they used anti detritus secret method to save their corpses.

The best way to keep a raw meat is putting it in a freezer. The cold temperature plays an important rule to preserve raw materials. By saying raw materials, I include human being bodies. The best method to preserve them is inside the freezer, even for a corpse.

It’s unusual to meet patients here, in Scotland, below 50’s. Most of them are old, and partially still in shape. They keep enjoying their health in their last days. They eat red meats, consume alcohol, smoke, and have a lot of bad habits. Yet, the catabolism/destruction down process in their bodies is very slow. Because, I think, cold temperature suppresses that down. On the other side of the world, Saudi Arabia, It was rare to find patients above 60’s or 70’s. They usually suffer the worse pain ever to reach that age. And when it comes to death, they die miserably in pain and sickness. I don’t think the diet or life style participate in this as much as the oven, they live into, does. Hot, I mean extremely hot, weather we live with speeds up the process of aging in our bodies.

I would like to suggest an equation regarding the weather and age. Let’s assume the weather has a factor. For example, cold weather factor is (-0.25), while hot weather factor is (0.5). To calculate effect of weather over individual age we do the following:

Age + (the age × the weather factor) = Real age

Therefore, in Saudi Arabia, the equation goes this way for an individual aged 40;

40 + (40*0.5) = 60 years old.

While in Scotland, for 60 years old individual;

60 + (60*-0.25) = 45 years old.

So, a guy aged 40 years in Saudi Arabia is really older than 60 years old guy in a cold country. The age scale/factor/ratio may be adjusted later on to be more specific. So, the hot weather kills us slowly, silently, and roughly.

i need to review this article again.