Eyes up!

It’s time to blow the dust. Every morning I woke up I repeat this sentence. I expect to have a better day, more productive one. For my surprise my energy gauge drains quicker than my prediction. I contribute that to suturing patients in labor ward after delivery. Wow, I just said it like a Sir without using the V word. Oh, I screwed it up.  As my energy runs out, my thoughts follow it. I’m running out of thoughts, blank inside, shiny outside.

Earthy phenomena stopped amusing me recently. When it comes to such, all my thoughts were toward reinventing the wheel. I mean, we all think for a minute that pale blue dot, and the creatures over and beneath are unique. Stop it please, we’re not, I’ve seen the worse in humanity. Best guess; we’re just an accident or coincidence. Mathematically, there must be other forms of life around our galaxy and the whole universe. In our galaxy alone, there’re around 17,000 inhabitable planets, according to “HabCat” Catalogue. How many are other galaxies around us? Our unique phenomenal existence could have been repeated concurrently or previously, just like a sand grain in a desert. I bet, in the end of the day all creatures in our planet and other neighbors have one creature. Still, what does make a planet livable?

Best guess, we’re made of star dusts, thank you Carl Sagan. We’re the outcome of thousands of millions of years of nuclear effusion and reaction. It takes so long time and so much energy for an atom to be created, and then exploded into dust or a heavier element. The impact carries such minute particles away, to be attracted by another field of gravity. We’re talking about millions of years, and of so much wasted or invested energy. I emphasis on such values as they’re really huge, massive, and gigantic, I just stand dazzled in front of them. That’s excluding the initial process when the big bang took place. This way, most likely, our universe was instigated. How many are other universe there? Just like there’s a universe inside each one of us made of countless atoms. Inside each atom, there’re subatomic particles, a complete different universe, and in such tiny particles, they’re many sub universes. In such universes, I dare to question the laws of physics.

So, is really life restricted on the presence of water? It’s just a star dust. Where does the energy required for life come from? Does it really require a divine power? Then, what’s the difference between an isolated amino acid, the main intergradient to build protein, outside and inside of the living being? A lovely experiment, Miller-Urey experiment, showed the possibility to create such amino acids only by using electrical current.  This way Talsa would be the new god. Beside water, we always claim that carbon is the cornerstone for any living structure. I mean that’s the basic of organic chemistry and the whole dexta structure glory. Back to amino acids, they’re just some carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, and nitrogen. Those are the components of the first earthly life pool. As we make more gadgets out of silicon, it could be other lives substitute for carbon. Also, ammonia can replace water. Above all of these questions, can we soon escape from earth to other spheres? Humorously, that’s called panspermia!

In one Arabic novel, a patient in a mental hospital was only crazy about or due the universe. He keeps repeating: “you know, prof, how big is the universe?” How old, how it happened, and how this planet was created, and how we arrived to it. Silence is the best answer, because once you start knowing, you would just listen more to the universe, and to answers. Indeed, such a big bang would have an impact, and each bang in the universe has a distinctive sound. How does the big bang sound sound like?

My wheel, which I plan to initiate, is a series of articles about the universe. I mentioned the word “answers” earlier, donating a replay to unanswerable questions. All we have is possibility, likelihood, or a sci-fiction, not answers per se. Those could be repetitive, reinventing the wheel again. Yet, this place is so massive that it can accumulate my ideas regarding its massiveness. In contrary to my feeling of the earth is too narrowed for me to stay. So, I’m leaving it to the stars.

Rationalist

I wanted to publish a blank entry, maybe just punctuating marks. I am starting a new phase in my life, and first sign I complain of is time shortage. This article could be boring and medical oriented. However, I am human before being a medical student, and soon to be an intern. So, the writing could be my last trail to defy my human existence, as it’s really compromised. What keeps me human is my ability to imagine. Recently, I have been imprisoned inside reality cage. I always think I am immortal, this was reinforced by my dreams. I am really shocked, I am mortal.

You can’t plan for a blind end project. This is my major problem for now. I have to arrange for my elective abroad. So, I have to choose a rotations schedule that fits the following: my elective inside Saudi Arabia, and the one outside. However, the former should be before the selection exam for anesthesia in Saudi, and the later shouldn’t conflict with all my 3 or 4 other tests. In same time, it must be in April or May. So, I need only to figure out the assigned dates for the exam. This whole plan is based on one solo pillar: I want to work on anesthetist. What if I don’t in future?!

Ok, the rest of the article in punctuating marks. Believe me those made my life very easy, especially in the last 4 weeks. I am growing up, and again I don’t count my age as numbers, to avoid looking old, beside many other reasons. We established last weeks, that time is experiences not numbers. So, I experienced the feeling of whole family with me in Riyadh, for first time. The main concept in their presence is I am their sponsor, in particular my mother’s health issues (total knee replacement). I questioned in my first day, if six years in medical school, were sufficient to handle stressors successfully. In the end, I was a doctor.

We don’t walk to progress in life, we jump. Apparently, this is the season to decide how my life will be after 20 or 25 years at least. I made up my mind regarding the work and social position. Socially, Al-Ma’arri is appealing to me. He minimized his social interaction to be mostly excluded to his students. Indeed, a part of his isolation is contributed to his greatness. Though he was blind, he was pessimistic, like he could have seen the misery and reality of human beings by a visualizing eye. So, less interaction with humans is more time saving. And more time I have, more I can contribute to Al-Ma’arri legacy.

Attributing to Al-Ma’arri efforts, I may ask: why should we insist on bringing more humans to suffer this earthly hell? As far as I know, there is no heaven upstairs to make up for these disasters we may pass through in our solo lives. The other part of our misery is that children, according to the blind man, just inherit the troubles their parents had left for them. I could notice that when it comes to inherited blood diseases, on lesser perspective, and on religions on a larger one. What a sorrow, even for a newly born baby, there is no starting over point.

Dirac Equation

My part of the story wonders, what if I weren’t born. In end the, Al-Ma’arri ended up as a dust and manure, and so will I. The last sentence is not an answer. What if I were immortal? What if this life were just a dream? Then, why am I just thinking and fighting to survive? Is there an implied idea of immortality or after life inside human being’s instinct? This reminds me of one of my unanswered questions 2 weeks ago, where I wondered about atom’s particles speed. Indeed I should take a deep look to Bohr theory, and the quantum physics before daring to mention this topic. However, what I wanted to suggest is the possibility of the presence of energy, to some extent, inside each mass regardless its speed. If the speed of sub atomical particle is expressing high or low or any value of energy, then this energy could be what makes the soul or life inside the solid (or whatever liquid, gas) mass. This way, according to energy saving law, the soul is immortal as energy is, and that means our soul is transformed inside the atoms to other forms of existence, aka, reincarnation.

The whole article reflects a big time disturbance inside of me. Especially when I mix all the physics theories, the valid and non-valid to make an idea regarding soul. I am really disturbed, and part of this prevents me of doing my usual life activities. I need to write in order to live. I need to read in order to survive. And last weeks I couldn’t come up with any idea. Specially, I failed, terrifying failure, to write a poem, a literature article, and a speech, all are in Arabic. Maybe I just lost my ability to communicate in Arabia language. On the other hand, I really find myself lonelier, I find it more difficult to speak or express myself to others. I find myself more like Al-Ma’arri. 

E=MC2

There lies a story inside each one of us. A quest of life and everyone is worth the tale he/she tells. In the end, we all are equal, no one doesn’t hold a mystery inside. I’m looking to my world as I am inside a cinema theater. I am analyzing the events I pass through, as a dream materials. Always, I keep looking from above, to see how the chain of actions starts the domino sequence. In the end of the day, when I go to my bed, the screen inside my eyes turn pitch black. A dreamer, who never dreams.

I don’t recall when my life has started to be full of thrill, drama, romance, betrayal, and action. I can’t remember when I was born, 24 years ago, but I’ve been inserted out of nowhere inside this dilemma. The past 2 weekends were indescribable. Priceless moments passed, when I turned to Gandhi, Stalin, Machiavelli, Mother Teresa, Don Juan, Chi Guevara, or a god. The dream machine handles dressing me, adjusts the settings, and says Action! Nevertheless, no matter how hard I tried to record a scene again, I was standing hopeless. Since, we need all actors, and each atom inside them, to play the rule again. Hardly, they all would agree.

Feel free to think of me as a man has nothing to say, as I have a lot to do. Such a poor guy like me could control the destiny of thousands. Those untouchable thousands can influence millions. The millions initiate the world movement around us. And the core atom is nothing else but me. You may not understand how I sacrifice my breaths and lives, endless number of lives, to save one individual’s life. Your limited realization of reality is due to one thing, you don’t wear the skull eyeglasses I do wear. It was given to me by an elf.

We all appreciate the journey a rain drop takes every time to land on earth. Imagine this earth was created from the beginning with a limited number of water atoms. Imagine again for millions of years, how many time this one water atom ascended, then descended. Every time of the billions times it touched the earth, it starts a new form of life. Regardless the thought that a lot of teenagers and above (like 18 and above) they waste daily a big deal of sperms in sewer water, those poor sperms would find their way to life eventually. I don’t suggest the occurrence of mutations between humans and fishes, frogs, turtles, or water weeds. Anyway, for those missing or lost water atoms, there is the rain collector.

So, there is constant quantity of every substance above or beneath the earth, the law of conservation of mass. That was correct until Einstein suggested a mass may transform into energy if it exceeds the light speed, this is the naïve way to say it. E = mc2 is the physical way to explain Einstein’s theory. The speed of light is around 300,000 km/h, imagine a car moves that speed, then square it. All what he did is summing up the 2 laws of energy and mass conversation.  

Still, I don’t think H2O atom have ever reached that speed. I have 2 questions: first, if that substance slowed down after becoming energy, would it return back to its initial status? Second question is what the speed of atom particles? Third, some peoples’ great actions are as speed as the light is. Therefore, those people are constant as energy does, they just change in form. If we assume that I’m, Ahmed, good man, then I need to tell you that many great people spent a lot of energy raising me, teaching me, and inspiring me.

Tomorrow, 22-3-2011, I’m going to wake up not in a form of a rain drop, but more like mercury one, uncatchable. Still, Just by looking to myself, I reached how a rain drop participates creating something new when it touches the earth over and over. We can’t understand each H2O or other atoms build the realm of seen world. 

P.S: the speed of light exactly is: 299,792,458 m/sec

P.P.S: any excuse for my absence recently is lame.. just sorry..

P.P.P.S: rain collector, and dream machine are real. Don't mock me please.