I'm real

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Narcissus was a pretty and very handsome man. He was spending hours enjoying the reflection of his image over the lake surface. One day, he got close to the water, so he might take a closer look to himself. Alas, he got drawn and sinks into the lake.
One way or another, we all do the same. We keep looking and thinking of our look/appearance, thought, ideas, acts, and behavior, like we do the best and most righteous. Though, I welcome criticism in my blog, I’m not sure how I’d react toward such an event. Most of the time, we talk, think, or in my case write. Yet, how oblige are we toward what we say in front of the public? We keep observing what we do, and forget to look to the world around us. Therefore, a lot of us live in a pink atmosphere, where they’re over protected, and served the best.
After trauma, a person passes through 4 stages; shock, depression, grave, and realization. People are different. Some are like chicken, their mouths write check that their asses can’t pay. Some are heroes. I don’t think my heroes are extraordinary. They don’t carry guns or knives to protect or kill others. They don’t ride motorcycles and patrol the neighborhood to look after security and safety. As well, they realize there’s a huge gray area in this pinky world. People are different in their manners regarding the trauma our community faces.
My heroes are regular guys. What makes a big difference between people is one thing; their obligation to what they say or believe. I kept writing in this place for almost 8 months. I was theorizing about community, manners, and values. The bad news, I failed in the first test I went through regarding my theories. I’m not a hero. I enabled a guy to carry on living in his pinky atmosphere.
I have to admit it’s hard and aching to continue writing what I’m about to write. I divided people earlier into chicken and heroes. Let’s put another categorization; enablers and disablers. We ensure our friends after trauma that everything will be alright; dead people will come to life after being buried, lost ones will be found alive, and wasted values will never to be lost, because we’re the community of angels. Enablers keep us the longest period into the shock stage. We just keep disbelieving how bad people we turn to. They just encourage us to ignore our miserable life, how weak, mistaken, mischievous we’re, and just run after ideality. How can a person be ideal, and he/she is full of flaws?
Shock usually lasts for days. The traumatic changes in my community as it has a mass effect, it may last for years and years. Considering all those enablers in my place, I think shock may last forever. To tell the truth, I’m writing while I’m shocked. How did I participate enabling a lame guy? I can’t stop imaging the future, and that guy in an important position. He will be a satin. At least, satin realized his mistake, or what is claimed to be mistake. Our enablers, I became one of them, are worse than satin as everything we do is correct. More enablers we have, more Narcissus individual we have in the community. People think of their selves as the absolute rightness. They expect us clapping for everything, all the rubbish, they do. Their selfishness makes them believe that people just try and struggle to be like them. Therefore, we, I mean they live in that pinky atmosphere.
Thank you for my disabler. A person who had the gut to stop me enabling. Then, she told me that I’m doing something wrong. I’m real, I don’t wanna be enabler, I don’t wanna be Narcissus, and I don’t wanna live in any pinky atmosphere. I’m real, I wanna endure the pain of the trauma, to be stronger.

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