Another Day in Paradise

Human misery is made by humans' hand

خارطة العبث

Map of Lodybeydschan

كيف أقول لكِ؟

عندما كنت أصغر

عانق قلبك

قلبي

و هتكتي حجاب الستر

بين سرك

و سري

و لعبتي بخصلات

شعري،

و قلتِ:

"أحمد،

أعشق المطرَ"

 ياللعبث البريء

في عز الطفولة

قضيت الليل

أصلي

أن ينزل الغيث

يغسل روحك

و روحي،

لا تقطعي حبل الرجاءِ

كيف أقول لكِ؟

أنا الهاطل كالمطرِ

العاصف في هبوبه

الشامخ في هبوطه

و يصلي خاشعاً

أن يطوف بين محرابِ عينيك

و يقبل فيكِ كل اثنينِ

أنا المطرُ

أتحسين بالبللِ؟

كيف أقول لكِ؟

صار عمري أكبر

و سنون حياتي

حسابها أعسر

و بلغت عينايَّ

ما تحت السرةِ و أبعد

حديثك الذي كان يعتريه

الغموض

عن مغارةٍ و جبلين

و خارطةٍ تمر على أبيكِ

و أبي

صرت أهتدي

سبيله

كأني عبرته

قبلك

آلاف المراتِ

و عرفتُ أن الكنزَ

بين فخديك

مثله عند كل الفتيات.

سبتمبر 2010

All the credit of the picture goes to PikeBU

The Other Q

Freedom

I’m sorry for telling you this, my people, inside each one of us, there’s a little Wahhabi. In some cases, this little Wahhabi may enlarge to be full one. Wahhabi main theme is intolerance to others. They claim to be the one and only one correct sect in Islam. What if whole Islam was wrong? Never mind.

I could remember many times when I tell people I’m from Qatif, they say: “oh, Qasim!” And I correct it for them. Still I think inside myself, are we alike? Their Wahhabi behavior was based on 3 steps;

1. Intolerance.

2. They are 100% correct.

3. They must change the others to be just like them, peacefully or forcefully.

I think we are scoring 2 and half comparing to them. We stopped being opened-minded. We think everybody else is wrong. And we are trying to change, peacefully so far. The nonviolent approach because we are cowards. Still, is the intolerance something merging recently? I don’t know, but say 30 years ago, there was only one current.

This is an open message of hate. Feel free to sign with me: I hate my community. I’m not Jesus, neither Prophet Mohammed to forgive and talk like an idiot about peace and love. I hate you, one by one, with every attitude you claim to follow. And I can’t stand living my life according to your conditions. Because once you are allowed to control, you transform to be a cancer which controls it all. This is a crazy, but it’s true. Stop thinking big deal of yourselves while you are nothing. To put it in the correct form or false one, it doesn’t matter, as scales are really disturbed in this place. Still, let’s put it again, if you could be any good, you wouldn’t be ruled by Wahhabi’s.

It’s not correct anymore when some arrogant idiot claims we are the best. For your information, ladies and gentlemen, in last 2 decades, the Saudi government spent at least 87 billion dollar (87,000,000$) funding Wahhabi propagation abroad. The main aspect of this petro Islam, beside it is black like petroleum, is targeting mentality. Alas, I think we are a part of the abroad equation and we have been invaded inside our minds. Stop saying we are the best, we drive, think, and behave the best. Also, don’t say we are innocents and crime free. Don’t tell me we are the best race and sect. I have 2 reasons for this request, first one: you say same thing they say in Qasim and Riyadh, they are the best. So, stop talking about yourself, let the talk for others. I spend sometimes with an old Qassimi man; he keeps telling me that Qatif in the last 30 or 40 years was the most peaceful place. Now, in the recent 5 years the crime rate has been increased rapidly. Second reason is we are the worse, believe me we’re. Ok, we’re almost the worse.

Are we targeted? Sheep usually follow their shepherd as long as he/she provides them food and water. So, when you think of yourselves like sheep, you would whimper peacefully and politely, you provide wool, milk, meat, and produce more sheep. All what the shepherd need to provide is food and water. A smart shepherd would give the right amount to make sheep satisfy but in same time hungry. The problem starts later on inside the folk; some of them would hear about Hume and state that you don’t trust a shepherd. Since, at one point he/she may start slaughtering you like a mad man. The other sheep keep thinking good of the shepherd, and they may voluntarily provide some young sheep as a gift for the master.

Are we really sheep? Amm, I don’t know but I think we are sheep and cheap. I am only 25 years old, I am not sure of what I am saying. However, during the previous 20 years, after the revolution sense calmed down, all what has happened is changing dramatically to be like people in Riyadh. No need to mention that Riyadh population is a strange mixture from everywhere in Saudi Arabia, and Qassim precisely.  This is because we think less of ourselves. Folk, if you don’t agree, just don’t agree and keep thinking less of yourself. Either you are male of female look at yourself and start comparing. Gosh, we reached the level of comparing. And to put this back in the right direction I wanna say the following. A community which lacks the leadership, self-dignity, and respect to self and others, doesn’t have the right to control me. It has no right also to involve me in its crazy agenda. I am not a tool for you, idiots.

I sign below to demand living my life, peacefully and independently.

Ahmed N.

Happy Birthday to me 25

Today, I am quarter century old. This is a big number, 25 years. I could imagine after another 25 years telling that I’m a half century old. However, during the last quarter century a lot of events took place. Indeed one of them is my birth. This will be later on a significant event in human history.

However, back to my last year entry when I asked for a gift and published my wish list, here it’s again.

The link 

And I hope this year would be better year.

My Left Leg

Morphine

This is the happiness formula:

Pain è Brain Stimulation è Endorphin è Happiness

Therefore and ironically no pain, no happiness, this is not logical approach but biological. This was my trail to get rid of my depression mood. I pursued pain and started thinking: how? I thought of being emo, eating too spicy food, seeking for girls to practice sex, or do some Shia performance like injuring my head or striking my chest. However, I settled eventually to do some walking, 2 km/day is fair enough. Really, I could feel pain, very severe pain, and the weight of the nail inside my left leg was like bearing the whole world inside of me.

I could feel a rapid improvement in my mood. I was listening to some music in the walking session. The listening changed to be enjoying, and just over thinking of the beauty of that music. Walking in the desert along with too furious cars felt like flying without wings between Paradise Rivers. Until I slipped into a river, I mean dumpster, a car run over me. In Saudi Arabia, all drivers consider the street as their house pathway. They have an owner statement on it. The arrogant mentality is really unexplainable.

I lost my conscious to find myself later on in the ER, in my university hospital. They told me a car smashed my left leg, again, my poor broken leg. Some wiseass intern there decided to do an urgent MRI for me to evaluate the extent of the injury to my muscles and nerves. As a medical student, I received a special treatment there; I didn’t have to wait in any queues. So, in matter of seconds, I found myself in the chamber of the MRI. For those who are away from medical fields, MRI stands for magnetic resonance imaging, you can find the rest about it in Wikipedia. However, you have to know that this machine is very magnetic and sensitive to metals. Once they operated, it started producing strange sounds, as usual, but it got more intense. I could see some electrical thunder and sparks, and all sudden the machine went dead.

Another loss of conscious, this time the pain was excruciating in my left leg. The worst pain I could have felt ever. During my recovery period in the hospital, I heard too often some strange voices. Main attitude of that voices were sexual. Manly voices were oriented toward asses in first place, and then they diverge to many different parts. Feminine ones were directed toward skin tone, height, and body builds. I kept hearing and hearing and I was sure it wasn’t the pain killer act in my brain. This is real, my left legs started to hear people thoughts. And all the hospital thinks about sex.

After few months of being discharged, I collected many observations of people thoughts. It deserves to mention that I was sitting once outdoor in a Starbucks. A young lad, say 13 or 14 years old passed in front of me. He was cute and wearing a nice short. Seconds later, a religious man passed, I heard his brain saying: “oh, what an ass!” So, even in community, one main theme of my observation was sex, either homo or heterosexual. The other was hypocrisy; nobody at all tells what really his/her mind thinks of. They like to kiss asses, suck penises, and lie on you telling you, your ass/penis tastes the best. It’s like a disease, an urge which they can’t stop. Many observations were indicating that, one of them happened to me when I took a history from a patient. I introduced myself as a sub intern with a big smile over my face. For the rest of the conversation my left leg could hear him only saying: “dump ass!”

The happiness equation which I mentioned in the beginning can’t be reversed as:

Happiness è Endorphin è Brain Stimulation è Pain

However, even the correct form of it couldn’t serve my leg after (reading the minds) shock. I think this fact, realizing what people think of, took me to a higher level of pain: the hurt of being lied on. It’s an agony now and it’s getting worse because nobody can understand what I pass through. Also, nobody can stop being hypocrite and telling me his/her mind for real. This place is covered with a thick sheet of dust, dirt, pollution, and ill intentions. 

The credit for the picture goes to pink eyes.

** i need to review this once more