Medical Intern

Everything is possible, and nothing is possible. It’s an issue of win it all, or lose it all. I’m a gambler and my bet is too high. In the end, when I think of it a bit deeper, my head spins in confusion, fear, and amazement. My name is Ahmed, a medical intern, and authorized anesthesia trainee in Saudi Arabia. Currently, my primary aim is to find a sponsor, a hospital, to practice, learn, and work. Indeed, such a journey, seven years long, looks very faint and simple when I match it with such a result; to be a doctor!

First, I’m enlisting my mistakes. I had a clear vision of my target, but I didn’t know how to approach. Stress takes over or maybe it was just my fear disables me. During that, I missed some chances to apply in hospitals, and enforce my CV. Also, I started preparing for MCCEE, the Canadian medical qualification test, a bit late. I wish if I had this qualification earlier, a year before for example. Third, SLE, Saudi licensing exam, the mission impossible, the most unreliable confusing test in my life, I should have learned the illogic beneath it so I could score higher. SLE experience was frustrating because it failed really to measure my real level of knowledge and practice. I figured out during my internship that I was a “good” student, but I’m an “excellent” doctor.

My most powerful pillars in my CV were how I showed interest in anesthesia, my chosen specialty. Indeed, this way I failed to guarantee other option. In the same time, it’s not necessary I secured a position in anesthesia. I tend to neglect other factors which may affect the process of my acceptances. I know I’m not playing on the GPA, grades, and electives bases only. Thinking about this is very exhausting. All I have to do is wishing a better outcome, since I’ve failed to do my best.

Anyway, as an intern I had an extensive chance to be exposed to many cases, procedures and education opportunities. I feel more confident after finishing 9 months when I face a medical case in real life. I’m more capable of making decisions. And to some extent my gratitude is directed to my university, despite all the negative points. For sure, it wasn’t all a pink picnic. I felt some disappointment when I saw the dark side of our practice. I’ve established before that doctors aren’t angels, not absolutely good. Yet, I found out that some doctors are devils.

Stress makes forget. I find it difficult to have a continued line of thoughts. I even forget to write about how stressful the times I pass through. “Stressful times require exceptional measurements.” Still, how can I manage such times? This’s an advice for my colleagues: supposedly if you get approved in Saudi health commission, then you must have a position in one of the hospitals. Therefore, keep calm and Hakuna Matata. Also, spend an elective period in whatever specialty you may possibly choose. What I did was taking an elective attachment in anesthesia while I was a student, in 2010, and then in my internship. Later, I did an intensive care rotation, electively, as it’s much related to anesthesia. This way I make it look really like I’m interested in such a field. 

I’m not sure if I’m speaking like a victorious winner or a loser. What did I lose? My usual Ahmed?! Since the beginning of the time in college of medicine, I always have this battle between my studies and other life activities. It was hard to balance. I’m not sure what I compromised to establish such a solid base of knowledge and practice in my medical field. Maybe it was some of my happiness, wisdom, knowledge, and variety. Still, serving a human life is worth all my time. It’s a sufficient outcome for the time I give, and the other knowledge I may acquire. Apparently, in the last few months, I did rearrange my priorities to be a great doctor first, and then I can be whatever else I want to be. I wish all the interns around the world, in this year and the following years, the best, a more organized plan than I did, and to be successful doctors.