My Left Leg

Morphine

This is the happiness formula:

Pain è Brain Stimulation è Endorphin è Happiness

Therefore and ironically no pain, no happiness, this is not logical approach but biological. This was my trail to get rid of my depression mood. I pursued pain and started thinking: how? I thought of being emo, eating too spicy food, seeking for girls to practice sex, or do some Shia performance like injuring my head or striking my chest. However, I settled eventually to do some walking, 2 km/day is fair enough. Really, I could feel pain, very severe pain, and the weight of the nail inside my left leg was like bearing the whole world inside of me.

I could feel a rapid improvement in my mood. I was listening to some music in the walking session. The listening changed to be enjoying, and just over thinking of the beauty of that music. Walking in the desert along with too furious cars felt like flying without wings between Paradise Rivers. Until I slipped into a river, I mean dumpster, a car run over me. In Saudi Arabia, all drivers consider the street as their house pathway. They have an owner statement on it. The arrogant mentality is really unexplainable.

I lost my conscious to find myself later on in the ER, in my university hospital. They told me a car smashed my left leg, again, my poor broken leg. Some wiseass intern there decided to do an urgent MRI for me to evaluate the extent of the injury to my muscles and nerves. As a medical student, I received a special treatment there; I didn’t have to wait in any queues. So, in matter of seconds, I found myself in the chamber of the MRI. For those who are away from medical fields, MRI stands for magnetic resonance imaging, you can find the rest about it in Wikipedia. However, you have to know that this machine is very magnetic and sensitive to metals. Once they operated, it started producing strange sounds, as usual, but it got more intense. I could see some electrical thunder and sparks, and all sudden the machine went dead.

Another loss of conscious, this time the pain was excruciating in my left leg. The worst pain I could have felt ever. During my recovery period in the hospital, I heard too often some strange voices. Main attitude of that voices were sexual. Manly voices were oriented toward asses in first place, and then they diverge to many different parts. Feminine ones were directed toward skin tone, height, and body builds. I kept hearing and hearing and I was sure it wasn’t the pain killer act in my brain. This is real, my left legs started to hear people thoughts. And all the hospital thinks about sex.

After few months of being discharged, I collected many observations of people thoughts. It deserves to mention that I was sitting once outdoor in a Starbucks. A young lad, say 13 or 14 years old passed in front of me. He was cute and wearing a nice short. Seconds later, a religious man passed, I heard his brain saying: “oh, what an ass!” So, even in community, one main theme of my observation was sex, either homo or heterosexual. The other was hypocrisy; nobody at all tells what really his/her mind thinks of. They like to kiss asses, suck penises, and lie on you telling you, your ass/penis tastes the best. It’s like a disease, an urge which they can’t stop. Many observations were indicating that, one of them happened to me when I took a history from a patient. I introduced myself as a sub intern with a big smile over my face. For the rest of the conversation my left leg could hear him only saying: “dump ass!”

The happiness equation which I mentioned in the beginning can’t be reversed as:

Happiness è Endorphin è Brain Stimulation è Pain

However, even the correct form of it couldn’t serve my leg after (reading the minds) shock. I think this fact, realizing what people think of, took me to a higher level of pain: the hurt of being lied on. It’s an agony now and it’s getting worse because nobody can understand what I pass through. Also, nobody can stop being hypocrite and telling me his/her mind for real. This place is covered with a thick sheet of dust, dirt, pollution, and ill intentions. 

The credit for the picture goes to pink eyes.

** i need to review this once more