Constitute

For first time in my life, I don’t know what to do. I am helpless. First question I am facing is: “Am I enjoying whatever I do? Do I enjoy medicine, blogging, and surviving this harsh world?” The absolute fact: I have no answer! As the other fact is: enjoying matters the most. Tomorrow is my first day as an intern, which forces me to face another important question; “what have I done since first year in college of medicine?” So, I have to review my past now, because I’m currently in my teenage, spring, or my grief autumn.

Hippocrates has spoken

Apparently, I spent last few weeks just thinking of what and where to train. Also, I made up my mind regarding my career. I am not disclosing any of those plans until they are fulfilled. However, I spent more time to think of constitute and principle to judge me during my 1 year internship. The Oath of Hippocrates shall not be broken. Indeed, first dilemma I face is: my training first, or the patient’s benefit? Do no harm is very broad concept. My training may hurt a patient now, to save another in future. Is that justifying? Then, even when I’m a practicing doctor, I may kill one patient to learn and save others later on. The bottom line, I'm supposed by now to gain enough knowledge to do no harm.

There are 200 sharks in college of medicine, I can’t be the only fish. I need to realize that I am outside the arena they fight inside. I am just a watcher, and a silent watcher I shall be. I don’t fight a battle which I am going to lose. And I don’t fight without a gain. So, silence is the baseline. I must avoid any unnecessary discussion, or any outside the medical field. This's going to serve 3 objectives. Silent guy is vague, vague is mysterious, and mysterious is charismatic and attractive. Secondly, more talking more mistakes. Lastly, this will lead to less interaction, favors, and being involved in the chain of help me to help you. Something to emphasis on is that I’m a medic not a cleric. It’s huge mistake to discuss religion either with those who agree or disagree with me.

While I was student, I was superior even to the consultants. I could mess and be rude to everybody. But since I am an intern now, everybody can be rude to me. Therefore, I have to be nice to people, hopefully, they will be nice to me. How? I should kiss many asses, particularly nurses and consultants. I will utilize every possible method to be the best guy according to those 2 staff members. Being smart, attentive, well prepared, helpful and kind will be my main weapons. Nevertheless, my hidden weapons, such as being jerk, stubborn, lame and mean, are going to be armed against stupid residents and consultants. Still, I’m stuck to my baseline of silence. In general, I have good influence over female senior staff, I shouldn't forget that.

What is my aim from those consultants? Easily, I need a good evaluation, impression, and recommendation. However, it extends beyond that, I must be close to those who give knowledge, and experience. On other words, I am in a quest after the Illuminati who can tell me the secret of medicine. So, this’s a window for training, learning, and enlightenment, and I shall not waste. Apparently, I have done nothing for 6 years. Can I gather all my energy this year to be like Avicenna? And what about the energy I may waste for side battles?

It’s not like a picnic, with a lady in a pink dress. Also, it’s not a battle field, where I need to carry a sword instead of stethoscope. A good doctor shall be warm hearted, in same time, brave enough to face bloody bodies. I mentioned in earlier posts my disappointment of medicine development. So, I work this time to promote a better health care for those in needs. This includes the courage of admitting mistakes, despite my deep wishes to avoid any.

As we just mentioned, ladies in pink, there’s one last point in my conducting code. I’ve been taught professionally in one of the best medical institutes in Saudi Arabia. So, I work professionally. Indeed, we established a general policy with colleagues. Still, maybe females require a special attention, to avoid any excessive contact or misunderstanding. I’m going to observe, as I did in last years, many sick trail from male doctors or interns to approach female interns. It’s a bit disappointing to know that some male interns’ main objective is getting closer to females.

In the end, tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow sucks, I have to wake up at 8:30 a.m. Still, I love what I'm doing. That's a bless, because few who has an affections to their job.

P.S: this was supposed to be published yesterday, Friday.

thanks for twiggy to give the picture