Rationalist

I wanted to publish a blank entry, maybe just punctuating marks. I am starting a new phase in my life, and first sign I complain of is time shortage. This article could be boring and medical oriented. However, I am human before being a medical student, and soon to be an intern. So, the writing could be my last trail to defy my human existence, as it’s really compromised. What keeps me human is my ability to imagine. Recently, I have been imprisoned inside reality cage. I always think I am immortal, this was reinforced by my dreams. I am really shocked, I am mortal.

You can’t plan for a blind end project. This is my major problem for now. I have to arrange for my elective abroad. So, I have to choose a rotations schedule that fits the following: my elective inside Saudi Arabia, and the one outside. However, the former should be before the selection exam for anesthesia in Saudi, and the later shouldn’t conflict with all my 3 or 4 other tests. In same time, it must be in April or May. So, I need only to figure out the assigned dates for the exam. This whole plan is based on one solo pillar: I want to work on anesthetist. What if I don’t in future?!

Ok, the rest of the article in punctuating marks. Believe me those made my life very easy, especially in the last 4 weeks. I am growing up, and again I don’t count my age as numbers, to avoid looking old, beside many other reasons. We established last weeks, that time is experiences not numbers. So, I experienced the feeling of whole family with me in Riyadh, for first time. The main concept in their presence is I am their sponsor, in particular my mother’s health issues (total knee replacement). I questioned in my first day, if six years in medical school, were sufficient to handle stressors successfully. In the end, I was a doctor.

We don’t walk to progress in life, we jump. Apparently, this is the season to decide how my life will be after 20 or 25 years at least. I made up my mind regarding the work and social position. Socially, Al-Ma’arri is appealing to me. He minimized his social interaction to be mostly excluded to his students. Indeed, a part of his isolation is contributed to his greatness. Though he was blind, he was pessimistic, like he could have seen the misery and reality of human beings by a visualizing eye. So, less interaction with humans is more time saving. And more time I have, more I can contribute to Al-Ma’arri legacy.

Attributing to Al-Ma’arri efforts, I may ask: why should we insist on bringing more humans to suffer this earthly hell? As far as I know, there is no heaven upstairs to make up for these disasters we may pass through in our solo lives. The other part of our misery is that children, according to the blind man, just inherit the troubles their parents had left for them. I could notice that when it comes to inherited blood diseases, on lesser perspective, and on religions on a larger one. What a sorrow, even for a newly born baby, there is no starting over point.

Dirac Equation

My part of the story wonders, what if I weren’t born. In end the, Al-Ma’arri ended up as a dust and manure, and so will I. The last sentence is not an answer. What if I were immortal? What if this life were just a dream? Then, why am I just thinking and fighting to survive? Is there an implied idea of immortality or after life inside human being’s instinct? This reminds me of one of my unanswered questions 2 weeks ago, where I wondered about atom’s particles speed. Indeed I should take a deep look to Bohr theory, and the quantum physics before daring to mention this topic. However, what I wanted to suggest is the possibility of the presence of energy, to some extent, inside each mass regardless its speed. If the speed of sub atomical particle is expressing high or low or any value of energy, then this energy could be what makes the soul or life inside the solid (or whatever liquid, gas) mass. This way, according to energy saving law, the soul is immortal as energy is, and that means our soul is transformed inside the atoms to other forms of existence, aka, reincarnation.

The whole article reflects a big time disturbance inside of me. Especially when I mix all the physics theories, the valid and non-valid to make an idea regarding soul. I am really disturbed, and part of this prevents me of doing my usual life activities. I need to write in order to live. I need to read in order to survive. And last weeks I couldn’t come up with any idea. Specially, I failed, terrifying failure, to write a poem, a literature article, and a speech, all are in Arabic. Maybe I just lost my ability to communicate in Arabia language. On the other hand, I really find myself lonelier, I find it more difficult to speak or express myself to others. I find myself more like Al-Ma’arri.