Death of Romance

The feeling is something like vibration, and some chillness. I shivered lightly and briefly. Shrugged sounds struggle to escape my throat. I need to speak, but a higher resistance forces me to listen. I keep forgetting how wise to be silent. Attend carefully, feel cautiously, and close my eyes, there are angels all around. My senses are highly alerted. For my surprise, this is not the first time to encounter such creatures. I had this feeling before, for one month. Then, I could tell the prophecy would be fulfilled, soon. However, for my disappointment, it hadn't.

All what had been left were shadows. Even in the absence of light, the room was invaded by shadows and semi-light creatures. They had left the room too fast, that’s why the light track is left behind. I close my eyes to gather the rest of their traces. I can recall the feeling again. Lines of light gather to form the master piece. It was like an orgasm, I was very nearby to gain the ultimate knowledge.

I don’t have any sensation or attraction toward any human’s beauty appearance. There is a nerve which connects the eye with downstairs organs, and it’s hibernating. That’s why angels chose to talk to me. I’m a single prophet, despite Islam’s prophet had 9 wives. My instructions state that I live solo, don’t talk to people or try to convert them into my beliefs. The prophet of hands in pockets is liberal, and disconnected from earthly pleasures specially sex. However, I feel this instinct is dead inside of me.  Or not born yet.

In pediatric course, 5 months ago, I read that some children may manipulate, like masturbating for adults, their sexual organs to achieve pleasure or relieve the stress (check the information). The amusing sensation, when we were children, and play doctor patient roles. As we grow older, this sensation gets bigger and more intense. I have no fact to reach within this paragraph, but it’s important to realize the importance of appreciating the desire inside of us.

We need to legitimize the desire inside, to fit the phonotype outside. Thanks for my friend, he directed me toward this. I can handle it in Freud style, easy and plain: desire is id, ego shows it to people in the way it fits the super id. However, recently, I’m not in peace with Freud, so I need another explanation. Apparently there is a conflict, I can hear the clashes. “My penis has a brain of its own.” Therefore, I have two personalities inside of me, the prophet; the divine speaker, and my penis; the sex speaker. Unfortunately, the victims in this endless fight were angels and many others.

I’m sexually molested by being ignored. There is no respect for my desire, as I see lust is very held down beneath the tight jeans, miniskirts, and G-strings. Pause. The desire is oriented toward what we can’t reach. You may call ambition. So, is it normal to wish having sex with cute underage boy? The desire can be implanted, or incepted, inside the mind. Once it’s allowed to grow bigger, nothing can stop its occurrence but divine intervention.

So, what is about me? I’m poor guy, stupid to some extent to have high standards. I think of the intercourse as a result of love. From the beginning, I shall know, there is only one good place to find such a relationship is the graveyard. Ironically, I stand here alone, in the cemetery, talking to angels again. I need their help to salvage my soul. It all happened when I asked myself: “How much can a soul take the DAMAGE?” It hurts to be ignored, and it hurts to scarify my values for the sake of pleasure. And here lies the key; a normal being can’t have pleasure if a personal value is broken. To sum it up: regardless those standards may be inspired by the community, the desire stops when values stand.


the credit for the picture goes to kia lola, u can support her in the fans page. big thank u to her.