Missing Piece

There’s a piece of music which keeps playing inside my head. And I keep repeating it and humming it. I tried to play it on violin, but this was advance for me. I need to recall its name, so I could find the note and play it. And here lies the problem; I have a high traffic inside my brain, and I can’t spot, control, grab, or determine my destination. It’s the season where my brain controls me, not I do control it.

I can excuse this poor machine, as I put too much pressure and stress on it. It functions peacefully in every aspect I push my nose into. However, now I am having one of the greatest mind blocks. My brain, dear brain, is just like a donkey. This poor creature, donkey, is very smart, and good in memorizing. It’s a heavy duty worker, and never complains, just like my brain. Until on occasion, it decides to stop, whenever and wherever, and then no matter how hard the donkey hostler tries, the donkey won’t move a foot or a hoof.

The other issue with my brain is its disbelief. It was shocked, when it realized the body contour, it has been into. As my brain thinks of itself as an alpha brain, and it demands to be into an alpha male body. This has something to guarantee the survival of its legacy. However, I could tell where my arrogance came from. The conflict now between my body and my brain is very complicated, because my brain tried in the last or first 25 years of my life to kill me. When it had failed, it’s trying to convince me to get larger in size.

Apparently, we have a problem. I call my brain names, like donkey, and it’s trying to kill me. However, I have a cultural crisis. I’m not sure how to put this in non-arrogant or modest manner, but I think I’m superior. This is the dilemma I’ve been involved into since 2008. As a result I could conclude that I don’t belong to this community, as my brain doesn’t belong to my body. The fear I face the most is dying alone. Beside that I’m not sure who my lucky wife would be. The fine lady who I would spend the rest of my shortening life with her. And that was another missing piece.

A puzzle is forming inside my imagination. There is no fucking freaking clue of the complete image or the pieces. I’m confused, and even when I say I, I’m not sure who I is. We may have discussed the structure of the brain apparatus according to Freud. So, it’s time to know the human being component. Physically, there is a body, and the brain is a part of this body. Therefore, we can’t put the brain outside its frame which is the body. There is the life status, which could be what is called the soul. Some children are born without a head, the usual common head we all have. They may survive for seconds to minutes before they die.

So, there is the life and the body. Is there anything else? Indeed the sum of these two results the human being. And the human being is nothing more than the intention or the will. Life, body, and will. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if all of us did will to arrive to this earth. The will could be the margin between humans and animals. However, as we progress, we find out more in common between us, like my brain and I, and the will could be something in common. My brain, please function to figure out the missing piece in this formula.

The whole puzzle could be solved, if I remember the music recital name.

the picture was given by Penny, her website is really great check it out.. deviant profile

Break

Silence..
Death Angel is next to me I can't talk.. 

Syria IV

The government in Syria is secular. Yet, there is an implied religion: Al-Asad’s. In Saudi Arabia, where they wrote Islamic quotes everywhere, here his holiness name (Al-Asad) is written everywhere. Wherever your eyes reach, there are his pictures, quotes, and instructions. The other parallel implied tradition is Islam. This has something to do with what Al-Asad did once he reached the presidential chair. He wanted to unify people under one them; being proud of Arabic history. Therefore, there’s a hidden instruction to praise Islam.

Parallel Reality

I don’t remember how I’ve arrived to here. I opened my eyes, though I’m not sure if they were locked, on a whole new scene. Endless dunes change so rapidly, they are sandy, snowy, or grassy. It’s very windy and stormy that I just fly without wings. Once I wish to have wings, there were implanted in my back. The dunes beneath me change into a beach. The sea waves strike so strongly. I see the drops moving like I have a built in microscope in my eyes. I hear the sound of the clashing, like I was surrounded by a big stereo in a small room.

For some reasons I don’t know, but my brain, the higher machine, is not surprised. It just acts like it knows the place. Damn! I can’t tell my brain there is something wrong is going on. I command my muscles to stop, and my eyes to seal. Yet the brain is blocking every single I send. It’s not mind over the matter, it’s the mind rules its realm, peacefully for it/him/her, and chaotically for me.

My confusion is long gone with the wind. I am very used to close my eyes, and then open them on new reality, deamination, or whole world. This is my new life, a gypsy wondering everywhere my unconscious can reach. I have a strong feeling of childish speculating eyes, they question everything they see. There is nothing definite for a child, or for me, and everything is new. I welcome you in my dreams.

Inception, the movie, had implanted an idea deep into my brain. How scary it’s to be controlled by a movie. However, the concept which has been inserted is not too strange for me. In 2004, I had a severe head trauma. I lost my sense of smelling, which returned different than before. I started tasting and smelling things like something new, unique and strange. It felt like a dream. Later on, late 2005, I’ve been on deapkine; a medication for epilepsy.

I wasn’t seizing in the common concept like shaking, and convoluting. Yet, I had extensive episodes of déjà vu. It’s worth to mention there is a striptease club called Déjà vu somewhere in America. However, I wasn’t seeing naked girls in my déjà vu, neither striptease triggered the episodes. This diminished the thin line between reality and not reality. I can’t name it dreams, or imaginations, but they were altered reality for me. Anyway seizers can be expressed sometimes as déjà vu.

Altered reality makes me questioning the common reality which you all live. In many occasions I can’t tell if things are real or dream. The trauma, depakin, déjà vu, Inception, and philosophy contributed in my situation. Philosophy keeps questioning if our senses tell the truth. We can’t be real because we see, as blind can’t. We can’t be real because we are alive, since death is real. Therefore, our input is not up to the output.

We just are dreamees. We are dolls, an image, helpless image in the brain of a higher creature, or a creator. And the Supreme Being is sleeping forever. When we die, we’re awake. And I’m not sure how it’s to be awake. This world is very neat, it follows a system which can’t be designed by a normal human being/ a dreamee. It’s very organized to be real, because my reality is very confused. However, for me as a dreamee, I’m chaotic by nature. If it were all up to me to organize or participate in organizing this world, it would be torn apart. We are driven, helplessly, toward one fate. What a sorrow, this can’t be changed. No matter how hard you try, the chemistry tube, which we live into, is directed to one goal: death or awake. Therefore, this reality is nothing but a dream engineered by the sleeper.


the picture belongs to here

Syria III

Trafficking in persons:

current situation: Syria is a destination and transit country for women and children trafficked for commercial sexual exploitation and forced labor; a significant number of women and children in the large and expanding Iraqi refugee community in Syria are reportedly forced into commercial sexual exploitation by Iraqi gangs or, in some cases, their families; women from Indonesia, Sri Lanka, the Philippines, Ethiopia, and Sierra Leone are recruited for work in Syria as domestic servants, but some face conditions of involuntary servitude, including long hours, non-payment of wages, withholding of passports, restrictions on movement, threats, and physical or sexual abuse. tier rating: Tier 2 Watch List - Syria again failed to report any law enforcement efforts to punish trafficking offenses in 2007; in addition, the government did not offer protection services to victims of trafficking and may have arrested, prosecuted, or deported some victims for prostitution or immigration violations; Syria has not ratified the 2000 UN TIP Protocol (2008) source

Syria II

Yesterday, in a crowded market in Damascus, a girl approached to a guy next to me. The guy, around early 20s, was holding his mobile. “Are you taking images of me?” the girl says. I couldn’t believe my eyes, or ears. How come a stranger guy would take a picture for a girl walking peacefully in a market? My imagination took me a bit further for blackmailing, Arabic porno website, and sperms. The sexual harassment is very common here. This is not a solo situation. Almost every girl would receive while walking a huge amount of messages, words, and touches, they all are about sex.

Despite the relative open community, red lines are very tight. Virginity is on the top, which puts any female under big deal stress. As oriental mentality and man have a profound impact on girls’ action and behavior. I am not surprised for the deep influence of old style attitude, because the movement of culture was not accompanied by the freedom of the state. 

TEST

I can't open my blog in Syria.
The access is denied.
So, I wanna make sure I can post, even I can't see what I posted.

Syria

I

I've been to Syria too regularly. Last time was 2 or 3 years ago, and first time was like 16 or 18 years ago. My awareness has changed dramatically. However the issues there hasn’t changed, they still suffering, poverty, children labor, secret police potency, poor infrastructure, and human rights appreciation. Many issues had to be addressed during the few next days, that’s base on my observations.  

There is a huge amount of emotions which may appear over the surface when I arrive.

Eye Witness

Last night was first of its kind for me in Riyadh. I had spent all my night from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. in AlTahleea Street. Also, I had a great company with a good guy. I’ve seen closely how mad the crews can go. It’s like Egypt any way, but for the sake of self-expressing and having fun, Saudi youth can do everything.

I’m going to describe two separated dilemma, yet they are very connected: religious police, and girls. The interaction between them is just like Tom & Jerry. The great haunting between those oppose teams is infinite. It may have started when religious people for their surprised realize females don’t have the gear they have. They had searched deeply for the missing piece in the female anatomy. Since they couldn’t find, they announced the war against the different gender.

First thing I could witness is the process of dating in a coffee shop. The car parked for almost 10 minutes. Then a guy left the car, followed, after one or two minutes gap, by a girl from the same car. The guy was moving slowly, he picked up his phone like making a phone call. The girl was just after him, exposing a part of her breast from her Abiya, and also trying to make a phone call. For any one, they would look without any connection. They entered the family section of the coffee shop. After like 13 or 15 minutes, which are enough time for a male orgasm process, they had left and walking next to each other.

Thanks to medical school, it taught me how to observe. Thanks for the community, it taught them how to hide and date. Also, the religious police, they are the secret beneath the hide and seek play. When I described the suppression of id, I couldn’t imagine I may witness the result very closely like this. People are horny, gosh; you don’t know how horny they are.

Religious police didn’t catch the guilty people. However guilt concept is very broad for those crazy long bread men. They were scouting and patrolling all over the street. Three jeep cars for them were distributed near the mall, the beautiful girls’ restaurant, and one like special units car. The situation was very tense, the street is very congested, boys and girls are very where, and the religious police is just hunting them down. Until, one car for those police back reared a car. An Indian driver left the car to call the police. But directly two religious police men left their cars, approached the poor driver, hit him, and drag him to their jeep. I missed what happened next, but a lot of guys gathered there. The regular police men were there doing nothing. Eventually, the jeep left the site.

I couldn’t realize how thrilled Riyadh can be in weekends after mid night. I should repeat the experience, as this was my first close encounter with religious police, and the young people madness. Now, I’m in my way to Syria. I plan but not promise to publish on daily basis.

P.S: this was supposed to be published Friday night or Saturday morning. But it's really hard to find internet access in Syria. Also, they require an ID.. 

Hands in Pocket

Knowledge can’t be gained without philosophical methods. Otherwise, all what we do is just memorizing and repeating like parrots. Also, nations can’t improve without knowledge. So, philosophy is the only way for nations to progress and educate. What I just used is Aristotle’s logic.

I've been raised in an environment where there is a wide gap between social classes. Belonging to a high intermediate family class in the middle of poor and middle class families was very strange, as my class represent, naturally, very few people. I have to admit that I acted in my teenager age as an arrogant ass who doesn't give a shit about people. To tell the truth, I made an advantage of my social classes bullying on other students in school. The shock which made me realize my reality is discovering higher classes. For my surprise, I am nothing in the scale of Saudi social classes. This variation is so important for me, as I thought I was on the top of the world. In addition, I could notice and realize its meaning everywhere. Most significantly, the social classes’ gap is very wide.

I always enjoy overhearing people talking; in bus, hospital, coffee shops, or anywhere else. I want to know what is up in their little minds. And reinforce my idea regarding groups’ variation. Some of them complain, most of them do so, because the judge is your enemy. However, when they have nothing to complain about, they start to have a fun. The fun concept may fluctuate from football, cars, girls, to nothing else as far as I could notice. Maybe sometimes there is an intellectual talk pooped up in the middle of the conversation. Nevertheless, most of these intellectuals are ugly and freaky mutations. The orientation is always defending believes by attacking others, not seeking or understanding a new opinion..

You don’t expect people to get rid from the anger status as they can’t fulfill their essential needs. Also, as they have no time to spare in education or enlightenment, they are ignorant. Anger and ignorance are the 2 main pillars in the Saudi community. I can claim that all directions, lobbies, sects, and orientations in community can’t jump this fence. Until we provide people with food and education, please don’t expect to fancy any dialog enriched with reason.

There’s a balance between needs and education. As necessities are more fulfilled, you expect people to be more educated. Also, as people are more educated, you expect them to demand their needs persistently. Uneducated community may not know its needs, or it spends all the time to gain the prerequisites. The lag in Saudi Arabia is the unfair distribution for wealth, and impaired education system, beside many other issues like high unemployment rate. The result is variation in the expectation regarding the sufficiency of both needs and education. It’s very complex, but it can be easier when it came to Tunis, where educated people became aware of their rights, and they demanded it.

Nevertheless of the complex ignorance of our needs and knowledge in Saudi Arabia, people are in an anger status. I can understand when an individual spent all school grades in private institute, that one didn’t meet people who can’t effort, say 35k per year, to educate their children in private schools.

When I practiced anesthesia, last summer, a technician approached me to critique and object. One component of his speech, long one, was keeping my hands inside my pocket all the times. I don’t want to show arrogance but I’m over ranking him. He’s a damn horny operator from somewhere lost in the middle of the lost desert. And all he could do is coming to advise me. With all sorrow, he couldn’t understand the wisdom in keeping my hands in pocket. If he had kept his hands in his pocket, he wouldn’t stick them in someone else’s pockets.

What I want to propose is to help people, inside my field of knowledge. Meanwhile, keep your hands in your pocket instead of fighting and hitting others. Hands in pocket is secular, in sense they keep their beliefs in their pocket, and don’t label or judge people based on theirs attitudes. The concept of hands in pocket is we start with what people need first the most, and then move to another step. Please, we don’t want to interfere with people religious believes, we have much major issues.

First, I’m really afraid of poverty and wide gap between social classes. Poverty can be minimized effectively by good jobs. To find good jobs, we need good education. And education is the main pillar for all of our troubles. If we could only establish a system, believes in specialization and philosophy, to teach young people to promote trust in one self, and respect the others, then we would finish a huge step in our community milestone.

Finally, we can achieve the specialization idea, by education, which by itself would widen the casual person horizons. As a consequence, one person doesn’t need another to speak on one behalf’s. Also, that would minimize the influence of others, like religious men, outside their own area of specialty. In the end, everybody keep their hands in pocket, doing only what they are meant to do, saving the effort of messing in others’ pocket.