Vulnerable

Abuse

Every time I go to my bed, or any other bed, trying to sleep, the every night show starts playing in my mind. Like a movie, sequences follow each other; scenes keep repeating and flying like crows attacking a golden tooth in a corpse. Then, the corpse wakes up and screams in pain. I think it was punished in the later life, or early childhood.

What do you imagine when you close your eyes? A dark room, where inappropriate mistreatment took place into, a long time ago? Do you imagine another child giving you a lesson in the ABC of 567? Do you imagine sinking in the darkness and ignorance of silence, and left alone in the middle of a black hole? How many of us think of paradise, a lovely vacation, or nice memories, when eyes are sealed by the lids?

When I become a practicing doctor, I would like to undress every child I treat. I would seek for cigarette burns, bruises, broken bones, and even manipulated genitals. Yet, how to dig into the unseen? How to know what happens when a child or an adult closes his/her eyes? Abuse can be in many forms, yet the emotional or psychological abuse can be the worse and hardest to define and treat. Abuse happen in every age groups, still, the youngest the abused, the worse the outcome. Abuse can be for individuals, families, and nations, and sometimes the abuser is an individual, a group, or a whole nation.

Close your eyes, and think how abused you were? Stop, I didn’t mean it. However, I am this time closing my eyes and telling you what I see. My vision is very blurred, it can spot 2 unclear figures. As they approach closer to me, I got more scared. One of them is very old, and the other is very young. They start talking out loud, and then they start shouting. Each one of them is trying to convince me to join his side. I decide to run away, they start hunting me, and every time they catch a piece of me, I give up this piece to keep running. In the end, I survive, limbless, partless, only my mind could stay in one piece. Anyway, my mind keeps remembering this event until it melts down.

I can’t provide a specific or accurate statistics about abuse, in Saudi Arabia, as it’s legal in here. Marriage is a good excuse to sexually exploit a 9 years old girl. In the end, the prophet Mohammed was married to Aisha when she was 9. To tell the truth, children and females are the weakest chain. It’s not fair to exclude it only to those two, freedom is the abused poor female child. And when freedom is abused, you can expect them, Saudis, to invent many unbelievable and unpredictable methods of abusing. Saudi Arabia, the international inventory lab of abusing and mistreating, welcomes you.

I am afraid that in each house, there’s at least one case of abuse. It could be cruelty, neglecting, manipulation, or anything else. The question is; who to turn to? We’re lonely, vulnerable, and molested. We have nobody beside us. Anyway, it may form a black hole, which engulfs everything, or a white hole to create a universe full of colors. It depends on what you see, when you close your eyes and surf in the sea of memories. 

Legends of the Fall

عصيان

play with me

ياللعصيان

ترقص عيناك مجوناً

و تثور في خافقي الدماءُ

جنونا

تعبث في ميدان الطفولة

يداك

فتجول في خاطري

بسمةٌ من الآن السحيق

أعيت الزمان 

أن تشيخ

و يمر بين عينيَّ

شبح لطيف

رافق الوسنَ 

إغفاءةً

و جفنا

لكتفٍ و دواة

اذكري

في الكتاب

صدري مسرحاً للفن

و كان ذات حينٍ

فناً جميلاً

و نبضاً أبدعَ

اللحنَ بشرى

يصلى بها

و تـــأمه بين محراب نهديك

شفاهي..

يتلو لساني فوقهما

وحياً..

يالبديع ما تسمعين

و فتنة ما تصنعين

ستغفو على الغصن الرهيف

براعم الندى

و بوادر الفجر البعيد

تنهض من محجر عينيك

تلهج قرآناً

لازال يتلى،

اذكري فيه

أنثى

يالله كيف كانت لوحةً

فوق صدري،

حالمةً وادعة،

تحتد ألوانها حيناً،

فتملأ جدراني صراخاً

و تنثر أشلاء لحمي

فوق ساحة الحرب

سيطغى عبق الدمِ

ياللعصيان

آن له أن يوقظ الشيطان

في كامن الطفلِ..

الجمعة 21-5-2010

Cause & Effect

walking in circles

Math is absolute. In many occasions it consists of points arranged in a random pattern, but always the result is a straight line. That’s good about it. However, sometimes it proves how stupid or inflexible math is. It’s always 1+1=2, this is boring. In my field, medicine, and in many occasions, it’s hard to prove that 1+1=2. It would be much easier if it were that way. Results, even in most controlled circumstances, can’t be predicted. Life itself, is it mathematics or medical equation? Can we apply strict rules that never break? Is it just a bunch of chaotic events?

Some oriental cultures believe in Karma. It’s the cycle of cause and effect.  Simply, you do something good, you gain something good, in current or later life. To tell the truth, karma reminds me of 1+1=2. On the other hand, some Muslims believe that good people always end up with bad things. Job is a good example for this. Some say more Allah/God loves his worshiper, more tests, difficult once, has this poor believer to pass.

If Job were taken back to his initial state, being rich and healthy, what’s the possibility of the recurrence of same condition? Well, Karma presumes that doing something good, he may miss doing, may change the result. Islam will keep saying since he’s a good guy, bad events would keep happening to him. Yet, let’s take it one step deeper, and make it more complicated. Let’s take a peek to the big picture, it consists of many tiny components; one of them could be a butterfly or mosquito wing flapping. For some stupid reason, like the mosquito was killed by a young boy, the chain of events in Job story would change in a dramatic manner. Again, this could be expressed in a mathematical equation to predict the behavior of a point in the space.

Butterfly effect, or the chaos theory studies a dynamical system that is highly sensitive to initial conditions. So, it’s not good or bad things we do. It’s how things happen in our life. How we act, respond, and do stuff.  It's not why, it's how. And as long as it’s judged by an equation, I think it’s justice and fair. So, can we predict the future using the chaos theory?

Let’s forget about the rubbish I just mentioned. I have a friend, an enlightened, educated, inspiring, and cute guy. These feature qualified him to know a lot of girls, in Saudi Arabia. Most of you know that it’s really difficult to contact or be in a relationship with an individual from the opposite sex. Sometimes, I think Saudi Arabia is a paradise for homosexual people. I can spend days and sleep over in my friend, or who is called a friend, and nobody would question me. Even if we suppose that the family knows about their child homosexual attitude, most families would ignore it. Back to my friend, in these harsh conditions we live and suffer, he managed to know like dozen of girls in a short period. I don’t care about the aim of his relationships. Yet, the outcome of those relations was awesome, many of those girls changed their life style to better one. To tell the truth, I think my friend made of his girls, better females, enlightened, smart, and ready to survive in the wolves’ world.

I would like to apply the 3 assumptions I mentioned in the beginning of the article on my friend case. According to Islam, this man should be punished, in current and later life. And most likely, these relationships effect would follow him when he gets married. They say; who knocks other doors, people would knock his door. A guy briefly with prohibited relationships should expect his sister, mother, wife, or daughter, even granddaughter to be involved in a prohibited relationship.

This may take long time explanation, and I wanna end it early. Logicians say; whatever is based on wrong establishment, must end up with wrong result. That’s why Muslims don’t justify his initial actions by the results. Yet, karma, the lovely karma would go another way with him; he caused good things to those girls, so the effect he gains would be good. In the fact, I’m concerned about him when he gets married. What do you think he would end up with, a wife with millions of relationships before him?

I think the last resort for this troubling issue is chaos theory. Let’s hope a prayer from one girl or one drip of saliva would change the whole equilibrium in his dynamic system. 

Karma

Butterfly Effect

Chaos Theory

Job

Standby!

The galaxy is huge. Inside the galaxy there’re many black holes that could open to another white holes. The white holes lead to other galaxies and universes. How insignificant is an atom inside an H2O (water) in a drop of sea water? Who knows? That atom could be another galaxy which contains many black holes and white holes as well. How big is the smallest particle, and how small is the largest universe?

I have to admit it that I’m lost. I can’t co up to think in details and advance with my little brain. Brain the funny machine. One guy told me that Einstein is intelligent because he stayed in his mother womb longer than usual. That allowed his brain cell to grow and multiply more than term birth baby. However, this’s rubbish because staying too long inside the womb makes blood flow poorer and compromise many vital functions. I don’t mean that my brain is little so it’s better. 

My brain is a little because it can’t catch the secret beneath time. Our perception to time is very mysterious to me. As it’s 2 changing elements; the time effect, and our perception. One of them must be static, so we can feel the motion of the other. I can remember briefly the A & B rule in time. Almost the B part states that to feel the time we need to compare it or refer it to something fixed. I hope I understood it correctly. So our time perception is related one way or another to the stationary of time motion or time effect. Still, time is effecting us either we could feel or couldn’t feel that effect. But is that 100% correct? Again as I could remember when we travel faster the brain waves move slower. Maybe travelling in very fast speed like ½ of the light speed may neglect the effect of time, while our perception to it changes. 

I’m lost, I hope you’re not. Some of you remember the entry about evolution theory. That thing has 2 many aspects. First and briefly, the Islamic and precisely the Shia understand and flexibility to knowledge. I think some Muslims reject the evolution theory because of the influence of the Christianity church. As well as their tendency to ignore and reject any development in science, they really demonstrate the conflict between knowledge and religion. I could observe some extent of this tendency in Shia world recently. Unfortunately, Shia was very flexible, Maskwaih himself was Shetie, and many scientists were Shia with unique theories. Any way this will take another whole article. 

The whole previous paragraph leads me to a question; how true is the evolution theory? Maskwaih says that Quran mentioned the theory in one phrase. Regardless of that, could it be true? Again, I’m lost. I searched in the chromosomes numbers which prove whole rubbish and none sense. Anyway, I think this topic is just like a genie in the bottle. It just needs to be rubbed and unleashed. Results could be really surprising. 

In the end, I have to apology for myself, first, and my dear readers as I didn’t write for too long. Yet, I hope to come back soon with some answers, so I can find myself between the small universe and the huge atom.

Best regards,

Maskwaih
Maskwaih2